Black Friday 2012

Let me start by saying this. This is now the 3^rd year of Black Friday extravaganza. I went in with HIGH expectations. With no hubby or bestie to tag along, I took the eldest with me. She wanted to go so bad last year. This year, I caved, and allowed her to go. At Thanksgiving Dinner, I desperately tried to convince my sister and sister-in-law to come with me. They hummed and hawed and said “Maybe.” I was uber sad, at this point, I just knew it would be just me and the eldest. (Which is fine, I love her, we have FUN together. I wanted to share the excitement and JOY of Black Friday with others this year. My feeble attempts were just that, feeble.)

Well, my night started out with a trip to Michael’s. They were open on Thanksgiving! YES! SCORE! Got in, got my stuff, got out. Done, before 7:30 pm. NICE.

I dropped the littles off with my parents and headed out to wait in the Target parking lot. NOT the line. I refuse to stand in lines. I got a text message from my sister….They were in! They wanted me to pick them up and take them with me to the Target! YES! AMAZING! More people to witness the Stealthy Ninja Moves (which shall be referred to as SNM henceforth). More people to share in the excitement of Black Friday, the thrill of getting what you are looking for, the awesomesauce of beating someone to the LAST ONE with your SNM ability. YES! Onward we travel to the Target.

Upon arrival to Target, I inform the girls that we shall remain seated until the ride at the front of the store came to a complete stop. They did NOT listen. Out we get, on to the front of the store we trek. GAH, it’s COLD. Not liking this. People are dumb. People are assholes. What is happening to my favorite shopping holiday of the year?!?! 30 minutes later, we get in the store, secure a cart and head out to the movies. Sister SNM for 3 copies of Brave and 1 of The Lorax. Done. Item #1 marked off list. ME….notice woman standing in front of DVD that we needed 4 of….SNM last 4 copies of said DVD that we needed to complete DVD list. I’m awesome, I know. Told that woman to get out of my way, I needed to get there. She listened, lucky for her. Onward to games. Got all the games on our list except Would You Rather….I hauled ass to the CD’s to get what I needed there SNM for LAST copy of one I needed, eldest hauled ass to the accessories department to attempt a SNM, they did not have the needed item for SNM, and consequently she got her feet trampled on, sister and sister-in-law head to games to SNM the Would You Rather game for me. SCORE! Ninja’d through the aisles to the Housewares Department. Ninja’d a NINJA for my kitchen…haha, I know, the irony here is incredible. Ninja’d the last NINJA for a fellow confused shopper. (Good deed for the night, DONE…game on, all’s fair in BF shopping.) Got the other item in Housewares that I needed, and all 4 of us began searching desperately for the single serve coffee maker for $8. They had the toaster, but none of the other items were there. WHAT? Seek out Target Employee, IMMEDIATELY. This can NOT be happening. That was the ONE thing I desperately wanted. Stood there for about 45 minutes waiting for stupid Target Employee to come back and tell me they NEVER HAD THEM IN THE STORE. Bastards. Thanks. Sister, sister-in-law and eldest were seeking out clothing that they wanted. Found them. Got something awesome, some gloves and some towels and we headed to the enormous checkout line. 5 people cut in front of us. I got pissed, sister said “Let it go.” Ok, let it go. Snaking around store and through aisles, eldest points out toothpaste….sister-in-law…”Oh, do we need some toothpaste?” sister….”OMG!” It was ONE crayon bucket that someone discarded amongst the toothpaste. SCORE for sis! While snaking an aisle, I accidentally bumped into the guy in front of me that had just blatently cut me in line. Now, this really was an accident, I didn’t mean to. So, sister-in-law says “Karma.” I say….”That’s not just Karma, that’s the Jesus Karma.” 30 minutes later, checked out, packed up in car, headed back to sister’s house for the drop off. Said farewell to sister and sister-in-law and headed to…..THE MALL.  (Insert dunh, dunh, dunh music here.)

At this point, eldest and I are starving. We decided to stop by the Walmart since we knew the Subway was open due to the fact that my cousin told me she had to work there that night. Walmart parkinglot…..zen. Got a spot 3 from the front. Really? Amazing. Cousin no-where to be seen, ordered sub, took it to the mall parking lot. 11:35 pm. Ate sub. 11:45 pm, got to mall doors and headed in with the masses. Go to Game Stop for 2 stylus’ and a computer game for eldest. Standing in line. Eldest went to Hot Topic to get the shirts she wanted and was instructed to stay there until I arrived. Weird person comes up to me and starts staring at me. Uh, yes?? OMG, it’s ok, it’s my cousin. She’s amazing. She and her boyfriend came to hang out with us while we BF shopped in the mall. She hung with me in line, then went with me to Hot Topic to meet eldest and pay for shirts after standing in line FOREVER. After setting off the alarm at Hot Topic like 15 times, they finally found that they had not taken the security tag off of not just 1, but 2 of the shirts. GAH! Carrying on with my night. “Body Central”, says cousin….”What? Why?” “Yoga Pants” “MOM! They have YOGA PANTS! We’re going…NOW.” Cousin and boyfriend tell me to follow their crazy crowd cutting abilities….first of all, I need to tell you that my cousin is TINY, SUPER TINY, her boyfriend? SUPER TALL and thin…..Me? Average height, big ass, hips, thighs, NOT able to crazy crowd cut like them. Whatever, made it to Body Central, got the yoga pants and waited in ANOTHER line. While waiting, we made fun of the gaudy jewelry that they had and dubbed my cousin CLEO. It was a “you had to be there” moment.  Once done with the line, we bid farewell to Cleo and her boyfriend and headed home for a couple hours of sleep before the big 5 AM sales.

7:33 AM: SHIT! Overslept, didn’t hear alarm. Got up, RAN out the door, still in jammies, and headed to Joann’s. They had NOTHING that I wanted, and no place where it would have been. JACKASSES. McDonalds was calling my name for breakfast and coffee. Stop! Food and caffeine. Necessities in life. Scarfed down my breakfast sandwich, chocked on possibly the worst cup of coffee in history, and headed to AC Moore. Scored everything I went for and then some. It was awesome. Went in to Books A Million and scored some pretty awesome stuff there. Got REAL coffee, and headed to Office Max in hopes of not having a repeat Amethyst moment from last year that you can read about HERE. Walk in, looking at laptops, guy asks what I am looking for. He goes and checks it out, and then comes back and says “You know, any laptop under $500 is really for a grandma, right? If you want to do anything other than surf the web, and check your email, you aren’t gonna do it on one of THOSE grandma computers.” Really? That’s where you are gonna go with that NOW? At 9 in the morning? Are you KIDDING ME? I told him I would think about it and got about 5 steps away and told eldest we were LEAVING, that such a bastard would get NO business from me. Calling me a grandma, hunh? Fuck you Mr. Office Max man, Fuck you. Back to the mall. At least they are polite there. JC Penny….I’m after you, and your buttons.

We arrived at the mall and found a parking spot no problem. Went into the JCP, and proceeded to get the jeans that eldest wanted. All they had left were her size! SCORE! Went to my section, I got a couple pairs of pants and then we headed to the shoes. Wow, look at this….here’s another pair of jeans for you eldest daughter…..just your size, a color you don’t have. Fate. I wanted to check out some of the purse deals they had. Well, all the Liz Claiborne bags they had listed for $15 were GONE. Bummer. I wanted one. They are cute! Look:

Along with 5 other people, we were combing the purse section looking for the elusive bag. None. Carry on…..walked past a mannequin……OH LOOK! There’s the bag. I’ll take that! Thank you! Walked around some more and found ANOTHER ONE! I’ll take that one too! Too bad SUCKERS! You obviously lack my SNM skill. Maybe you should find a good BF shopping buddy who possesses the SNM. Snagged the last Nicole Miller bag for $25, which is SWEET! We got in line, grabbed a cute sweater for me, and got our buttons. Won NOTHING. Whatever. I’ll be back for more buttons bitches.

We ventured out into the mall to get to Justice for some hair mascara for the little. Wound up finding some pretty sweet clothes for her that were 40% off with another 40% off and another 20% off of THAT! Nice deal. Wandered down to Build A Bear Workshop and snagged $5 full size snowmen for the littles and the eldest. Then left the mall.

We went to Kmart in search of Doc McStuffins doctor kit. Sold out. Kmart whores bought them all. Ok, no biggie, SNM the LAST vanity they had for the baby girl. Checked out and headed to store all items at sister’s house. She’s amazing and awesome, and took one of my Liz bags, it’s ok. I like her enough to share. Sister-in-law was pretty pissed that there weren’t 3. Sorry, I only found 2 with my SNM capabilities. I would have bought all they had if they had more. They are really that cool.

So wraps up my BF adventure. I managed to get everything I need with the exception of a gift for my grandfather and a couple of things for the little man. That’s no biggie though, none of that was on BF sale.

How was YOUR BF? Did you achieve greatness? I did. I feel pretty damn good about my SNM self.

Til next bloggity blog.

~Lou~