New Year?? Wait! What happened?

New Year? Already? Wait! What happened? What exactly went down in a year? Well, since you asked......

While I realize that the majority of the year my blogs have been about epic things, places and activities. I realized that the EPIC is only possible because of the people. The epic beings that I surround myself with. My epic neighbors, my epic friends, my epic family, my epic people that love me. No. Matter. What. Most of the time the people are a good kind of epic, other times they are epic shit bags and need to give the whole of humanity a break. If you are one of the good epic peeps, THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR ME! Thank you for being epic, amazing and REAL. If you are an epic shit bag? GTFO. I have no time for anymore of your shit bag shenanigans. But, I digress. Let's get on with this final EPIC blog post of 2013.

Along the year,

I celebrated an epic birthday (Another one is quickly approaching....SHHHHH).

I got my EPIC Let Go tattoo (THANK YOU J-LOVE!!).

Celebrated epic achievements with my kids.

I found out that my husband had been having an epic affair for quite some time and due to this epic affair, supposedly he was having a baby with the new girlfriend. I had my suspicions for a long time over this one girl in particular, and the fact that she was saying shit about it on facebook, just confirmed his lying cheating shitty ways. This consumed the majority of my year. Fretting and worrying about what he was doing and if she was with him, which, I found out he moved her out to Oklahoma on our youngest child's BIRTHDAY. Yeah, total loser asshole of the century. Long story short, I am STILL MARRIED TO HIM, no papers have been filed, and the only thing set is custody, visitation and support, which is ALL a fight, except the custody. I still can't get him to come see his kids, and I still can't get paid what he owes. It's ok though, I am learning to let go little by little. The one thing I wish is that I could talk to his girlfriend. She seems to have some very wrong information about me and thinks that I don't have the nerve to talk to her directly. How very wrong she is. I would love nothing more than to have a nice conversation with her. Perhaps I could prevent the same pain and misery I have been experiencing from happening to her. If only she didn't believe his lying, worthless stories. LORD! Digressing....back on track now. WHEW!

Had a dear friend come visit for over a week. During that week, we spread epicness all over this bitch, got tattoos and graced several dining establishments with our epic presence. Yep. The city has not been the same since.

We had epic broken bones, epic surgeries (both planned and unplanned).

I gained an epic niece when my nephew got married! (Congratulations Ryan and Courtney Thomas! I love both of you!)

We welcomed a new EPIC member of our family, Lydia Ann Thomas. I love her. She is awesomeness. :D

The eldest and I attended an EPIC wedding. (My nephew, Johnathon, married my other epic niece, Courtney. Congratulations! Love you both!)

We took a road trip of EPIC proportions. Along the way we realized what true love, commitment and family means. We (and when I say we, I really mean I) experienced forgiveness and acceptance all in one breath. I saw friends and family I haven't seen in far too long, met family I had not yet had the pleasure of knowing, and was welcomed right back in as if nothing ever happened. This is quite possibly the MOST epic thing that happened to me all year.

I visited with a friend several times in the summer. We shared epic laughter, epic food, epic crafting and more epic laughter. That ended not so epic, however, nothing can be done to change it. So, moving forward.

The littlest little lost epic teeth (FINALLY LOST A TOP TOOTH!!).

I was betrayed in a very epic way. You know, when the husband decides that he only wants to keep the kids 3 days instead of 4 so that he can gather his pregnant girlfriend, (I stress the word GIRL, because she is 10, yes folks, TEN FUCKING YEARS YOUNGER THAN HE IS, which makes her only 10 years older than OUR OLDEST CHILD...Midlife crisis much ass munch?) and take her to YOUR hometown and drag her all over the town parading his infidelity all while spewing it on facebook, (BECAUSE HE IS STILL MARRIED) and thinks that no one you know sees them and that he is getting away with something? Yeah, that is epic hatefulness right there. But, AGAIN, I SAY KARMA. Lots of it coming your way sweetness. LOTS.

The eldest started high school, the little man started his second year in the gifted school, and the littlest little started second grade.

We celebrated my maternal grandmother's 79^th birthday, my paternal grandmother's 80^th birthday and my paternal grandfather's 83^rd birthday. All milestones to be proud of. THAT ladies and gentlemen, is an EPIC life.

We welcomed another epic niece and epic great niece into the family. Welcome to the family Jessica and Kayleigh Morgan!! I love you both and am so very happy to call you MINE. <3 p="">

I have learned what family truly is. Who is true. Who cares and who to tell to kiss my rosy ass on the way out of mine and my kids lives. I am thankful for those that are true family. For those that continue to love and support me and my children. Especially during this EPIC pain we are experiencing. You see, family is not always blood, and some say blood is thicker than water, I say the relationship you make and the TRUTH is thicker than anything. To those family members that say blood is thicker than water, I wish you well. Hopefully one day you will see the truth. Just don't come back apologizing to me and telling me that I was right and you were wrong. I won't want to hear it. I am moving on, and so are my children, WITHOUT you.

We celebrated Christmas. For the first time as a family without their Daddy. I want to say it was epic, and parts of it were. The joy on the kids faces, the happiness, the laughter, the shrieks of delight. The fact that they KNEW for the first time that MOM did all of this. That was epic. That was amazing. Having them KNOW that I did that. That I was the reason they got what they asked for. I did it alone. Without him, without his input, without any assistance from him. I DID IT. Yeah, it was an EPIC Christmas.

Although I suffered epic disappointments, and epic heartbreak, I learned that a tiger never changes his stripes, so, don't try to change them. A cheater is a cheater and an asshole is an asshole. A deadbeat is a deadbeat and a liar is a liar. I came out of this year with more epic strength than anyone can imagine. I may seem weak and sad and pitiful and crumbling, but you bet your ass, I am still standing tall. I take care of my business every damn day. I take care of my kids. I do what needs to be done, and THAT, my dear readers, is what it is all about. Standing up every day and working even harder than the day before to make life right. Doing what you have to do for yourself, your family and your little corner of the universe. Damn what everyone else says. It's not their corner of the universe, now is it?

Dear 2013....I know you came to teach me a lot. I appreciate the lessons. Some more than others, but, I appreciate them all none the less. You could have been gentler. You could have been a tad more kind. But, sometimes, lessons are harsh, and I guess I need these harsh lessons to smooth my edges and mold me into the perfection that I am to become. Thank you for teaching me.

Dear 2014.....Let's get this show on the road! I am anxious to see what lessons I have coming my way. May I make just one request? Could you try to make them gentle lessons this year? 2013 was awfully rough on me. ((HEART))

Now? Now I sit and wait for the ball to drop to usher in a new year, a new beginning, a new life. Giving it my best attempt at leaving the pain, and sorrow, and anger behind me. Letting it all go. Giving it up to God and the universe to disperse as they will. A new year. A new beginning. A new way to be epic. I am not making resolutions, I am making life changes. Changes that will benefit me, my kids, OUR future. Changes not for him, not only for them, but also for ME. I'm not gonna lie. For most of 2013, I was a hot ass mess of crazy. (Soak it up and relish in that statement sweetie. I was that way because YOU AND HE made me that way. Again, I say, KARMA IS A BITCH, WATCH OUT! She is coming and she is PISSED.) It's time for a change. I am stoked for 2014. Are you?

Later Tater's and Tater Hater's!

~Lou~

Elderly People Are Like Children....Or Children Are Like Elderly People...

Short back story so you will further understand the gist of this blog. I have an electrical problem in my house. DH knew that the back end of the house needed to be rewired, yet failed to accomplish this task. Apparently, his 24 year old girlfriend is more important. So, the repairs are up to me. But, that's ok. I don't mind. I don't have to listen to him yelling, screaming and cussing at me because of something HE has to fix in the house. Now, repairs have been postponed due to the slight amount of money I have been receiving. Spousal and child support amount to about half of what I WAS getting. Seeing as how apparently I have a fictitious job making a fictitious amount of money each month, the support is LOWER than what he originally agreed to pay JUST in child support. Sorry, I digress. I am good. My kids and I are making it just fine. So, don't think for one second we are suffering. Because, we aren't, and we won't. Because I am an “awesome mommy”.

Back to the story. Electrical problem. Yes. So, the kids and I have been living with my grandparents while we are waiting to gather funds to repair said electrical rewiring of the ass end of MY house. (Yep, I said it, MY HOUSE. I have one! It's amazing. You should be jealous.) The grandparents are wonderful. I love them. When I say the things I do, I hope everyone understands that they are said in loving jest.

Elderly Vs. Children

1. Both speak loudly. This is either due to lack of hearing, or refusal to recognize that everyone possesses an “inside voice”.
2. If you want to read, watch a tv show or do anything else that involves no one speaking to you, you are out of luck. Just wait until everyone is asleep. Do it then. If that doesn't work, pretend you are going to sleep.
3. They are never wrong. Young ones are infinitely smarter than the elderly that don't rightly remember things the way they really are/were/should be. But, the elderly are convinced that they are always right. No. Matter. What.
4. The television volume must always be at 45 at a MINIMUM. There is no sound below 45. None.
5. Both have perfected sarcasm and use it frequently among themselves and against the offending generation.
6. Both are major fall risks. Does anyone know how nerve wracking it is to be in a house with children and elderly people?? I'm telling you RIGHT NOW....pins and needles all the time. Who's falling next? We spend the first years of their lives teaching them how to walk, and spend the rest of their lives catching them, picking them up, dusting them off and bandaging boo boos. This happens with the elderly too, only WE, the children and grandchildren do the catching, picking up, dusting off and bandaging boo boos.
7. Doctors visits are a major event. While we take our children to the doctor for “well” visits, our elderly do the same thing. They also need escorts and support. Much like our children, they don't hear or understand what the doctor is saying to them. (Most of the time.)
8. Generally speaking if something is needed from the store, you load them up and go get it. This is applicable to both generations. Oh, and while you are at the store, everything in there must be touched. It doesn't matter what it is....a pack of meat, toothbrushes, clothes, shoes, games, make up, hairbrushes. You name it, someone is touching it. This makes what should be a 30 minute trip for you or me....a 2 hour event. 2 HOURS PEOPLE!!
9. If they aren't speaking at EXTREMELY HIGH LEVELS, they are mumbling so softly that you have to ask them at least 5 times to repeat what they have said. 5. No less than 5.
10. Both generations are technologically challenged. The elderly can't figure out this “newfangled tv” or computer. The small ones can't seem to navigate without 15 tabs and 22 buttons that are all WRONG being open or pushed. I will say, the small ones are much better with the technology than the elderly. They are being raised with technology. Sometimes, I get so frustrated, I have to tell everyone that I will assist them at a later time. I walk away. I do. It drives me crazy sometimes.

As you can see, life has been a slap stick of comedy. Frustrating as it may be, it is my life right now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Except for the DH's girlfriend. I would trade her for an RC Cola and a Moonpie any day, any time. That my friends is something I would enjoy. Another time, another day I will share more on THAT story.

Still praying every day for the grace and mercy to forgive those that have trespassed against me.

Potate on, unless I don't believe you are worthy of potation.

~Lou~

Every Day Is Another Step Closer.

Kicking and screaming. That's how I am right now. I am kicking and screaming against my lesson for this year. See, the lesson is Letting Go. A theme that I have carried around on my blog and repeated and reminded you, the masses, about. Well, tonight, I realized that this Letting Go epiphany ties right into that big, scary word FORGIVENESS. Oh LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME! No, I am not good at this forgiveness thing. I mean, yeah, someone hurts my feelings, I am good at forgiving and moving forward with life. The level of pain that I have experienced this year is profound. It is the worst, sharpest, stabbiest, scab ripping off every time I turn around kind of pain. At times, it seems to be unbearable. I have beaten myself up so much over this. “Somehow, I have done something in my past to deserve such cruel and hateful punishment. I must deserve this treatment. I MUST have done SOMETHING to warrant such a painful, horrendous, terrifying turn in my life.”

You know what? I haven't done anything. That's exactly the point. I am not willing to forgive the people involved in this terrifying hell that I am living in. I am not willing to let it go, to move on, to forgive them as Christ forgives me. (Ok, hang on to your britches folks, I'm about to get a little preachy here.) Most of you will not know this, but a few, selected people do have the privilege of knowing me very well. I may curse like a sailor, but I am also a God fearing woman. I love Jesus, we are friends. I have conversations with God, a lot. I was raised in the church and I hold those teachings and my God near to my soul and the core of my being. I know what I believe, and I know that God is part of me. Jesus lives in my heart and one glorious day, I will get to live up in the Heaven. Ok? Are we all on the same page now? Good. Let's move on. So, there is this rule that I am supposed to follow. It's something to the effect of Forgive as I have forgiven you. Come on, are you serious? You do know and realize that I am not a God, I am HUMAN?? See, while I realize that I am freaking awesome and amazing, God, you can't seriously expect me to forgive these jackasses, right? Clearly that is the resounding YES that keeps slapping me in the face, which I am mistaking for Karma. It has been a sad night here. A sad night of realizing that I am exactly that, a human being. Not God. Not supernatural. Not anything more than a soul with a body, which makes me human for the time being. Humans are not perfected, hence the reason they are on this earth. Humans are not capable of forgiveness without help from the supernatural being above named.....yep, you guessed it, God.

So, kicking and screaming. That's what I have been doing. Kicking and screaming against everything in MY being. Defying God. Telling him to basically suck it. I'm not bending to your will. So, you know what has happened? Much like a 2 year old, I have been given a spiritual “spanking” if you will. That's the worst kind of whippin'. It hurts your most inner, soft, sensitive spots.

Ok, God, I get it. What? You want me to forgive these fools that have smashed me into pieces that can't even be counted? You want me to love them as you love them? See them through your eyes? Well, yeah, I can't do that. I'm sorry. It just doesn't work that way for this human. I can't do it alone. I must have help. I must have strength that I just don't have. You see, God, not that you need me to point this out to you, I hate them. I hate them with everything that I am. I hate what they have done, I hate what has become from their misery inflicting behavior. I more than hate. I loathe. I just can't do it alone. I have to have your help. After all, I am human. I'm not you. I'm not perfect, and I certainly don't love everyone.

There you have it. Raw. Unabridged. My conversation with God tonight. My update on my life, my catharsis and the embarrassing revelation that it took me 9 months to figure out that God was telling me Letting Go is Forgiving. I feel like such a dumb ass. Well, at least it came now. At least I can honestly say I am working towards that now. I am trying hard, and praying every step of the way. I am absolutely expecting a miracle.

If you are reading this and you are involved in this situation. Make no mistake. I have NOT forgiven you yet. I am working towards that. You are still on my shit list. Don't get too excited.

~Lou~

School!! YES!!

Well, it's been quite a while since I have entertained the masses with my clever wit and wisdom. I thought you were all over due for a good dose of Lou.

I'm not really sure where to begin. I know there is so much to tell you that I can not yet delve into. It makes me sad, because I want to share everything with my readers. Sometimes, that is just not possible. Unfortunately, now is one of those times. Soon I will be able to tell everyone EVERYTHING and it will be amazing, and cathartic and wonderful and beautiful and ugly and obnoxious and hairy and smelly and bitchy. All of the things we all love in one epic blog post, right? Right. I thought you would see things my way. I am, however, awesomesauce and amazingness all rolled into one.

Let me catch you up on the things I can catch you up on for the moment.

1. Have you noticed my new blog background and header? Yeah. School starts Tuesday. HELL YES! It's been a long, eventful summer. One of pain, one of love, one of fun, one of sights, one of epic proportions. That being said, I am ready for the kids to go back. They are ready to go back. Well, Littlest Little is not so happy about it, however, school schedule will soon take over and Littlest Little will be fine. Boy Wonder is super happy and excited to be going back to school. This surprises me none. The Eldest is starting High School and I am all over the place with that. I am excited for her, yet scared and sad all at the same time. I also realized how very old I am. Many extra white hairs have sprung from my scalp this summer. I'm telling you, God gave mother's an extra dose of crazy. We are all over the place all the time yet still manage to hold it all together. Amazing creatures we are. Wow, I digressed. Eldest is super excited and nervous.
2. I am battling with my own inner demons and the demons of other people. Not sure how that works exactly and why I am to battle someone else's demons, but, you know, whatever. Guess I deserve that Karma for a minute.
3. I am patiently waiting for Karma to FIND THE RIGHT FUCKING ADDRESS AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT NOW. I AM A GOOD PERSON. MOVE THE FUCK ALONG. I HAVE A LIST.....SHALL I REMIND YOU KARMA?
4. I am looking forward to the holidays this year. For the first time since Boy Wonder was born. Everything is new this year. Everything is different. Everything will be better for the rest of our lives. The negativity gone, and it will stay that way.

That is about all I can muster to say for the moment. Ok, I could totally muster more, however, it would not be in my best interest to do so.

Wishing you all a happy, safe and fun Labor Day Weekend.

Lots of love,

~Lou~

Sometimes, My Brain Just Won't STFU.

Occasionally, I have these random urges to blog. Maybe it's because there is so much going on in my heart and my head, I need to get it out. Sometimes, I am able to publish these blogs, other times, it's not so smart for me to publish. So, with those, they sit in my draft folder, seething and reeling, and there they will remain. Not everyone needs to know every thought I have. I mean, they are MY thoughts after all. Most of the time there is not an issue with sharing them, other times, well, not even I should know my own thoughts.

Moving on. It's been a summer of epic proportions. I blogged about what happened earlier in the summer. So let me catch you up. My epic vacation ended less than epic, and we have been home ever since. My epic divorce is slowly creeping up on me. The beginning of an EPIC school year is fast approaching. WOO HOO!!! EPIC ALONE TIME!!!! Yeah, I said it. Hey, you try raising 3 ADHD kids on your own and tell me you aren't looking forward the start of school. I guarantee you, you will feel the same way as I do.

As we approach this epic school year, the remainder of the year will be full of epic changes. Obviously, as stated several times, I will be getting divorced. We will have family in town for the first time ever on Thanksgiving (I am SUPER looking forward to this.). We will be making another trip to Oklahoma to visit for the holidays and gather the eldest child's paternal influence and guide him back here. Yep. He's moving here. He wants to spend as much time as possible with his daughter, and that, I find truly admirable.

I just had an epiphany for my New Years Eve post. But, that, my friends and readers is 4 months and 18 days in the future. Better get started on that EPIC post now.

Short post for tonight. Just wanted to get some shit out of my brain. There you have it.

Later Taters!

~Lou~

Update on Epic '13

Amidst all of the stress, the confusion and the emotional roller coaster I have been through in the last year, I was determined to make 2013 epic. And epic it has been. Epic fights, epic reunions, epic road trips, epic hospital stays, an epic divorce pending, and an epic new beginning. Let's ponder this a moment. I still have 5 months of epicness to come! I wonder how much more epic I can add to my epicness.

To start at the beginning. I started my year off with epic hopes that my life was taking a turn for the better. I quickly realized that the epic lies were just the beginning of the epic demise. HAHA, did you like that poetry there? I took an epic leap of faith back to my past. I waited for a response for months. In those months, I had a great and painful spring. I uncovered the epic lies, was told half truths of not such epicness, and fought tooth and nail for a marriage that I believed in. I got ink (LOVE INK), I went to an amazing cemetery, sampled new cuisine, and flaunted my awesomeness around town, and renewed an epic friendship. I received a response from my leap of faith, and it nearly sent me into a tailspin. There were thousands of what if's, how can I's, and where do I go with this now's.

Background: Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit! I had just graduated high school and met this guy. He was in the navy. We fell in love. We had a crazy romance. He got out of the navy. He went home....far, far away from me. A couple months later, I was home with him. His family became my family in the blink of an eye. Still, I was young.....super young. I missed my family. I missed my home. I was literally home sick. I cried, a lot. Well, the rentals decided that I was in desperate need of coming home. They surprised me. They came to get me. Home for Christmas! YAY! I can go back after Christmas. Well, yeah, that didn't happen. I got a job at a travel agency. I had already been to school for that. Had my license. We (he and I) hadn't spoken in quite a few months. I was moved into an apartment, had a roommate, and was moving on. I decided one night to call my best friend out there where he lives. I hadn't talked to her in so long, and I missed her. I called. Apparently he was there watching the kids, and answered the phone. I was dumbstruck. I cried, he told me not to cry. We started talking again. He came out to live with me back home. We made it about a month and a half. He went home. SURPRISE! I was gonna have a baby. I don't really remember what actually happened, somehow he and I stopped talking, spoke once after the eldest was born and never spoke again.

That is until......May 28, 2013. I finally got a response to the feelers I sent out there and May 28^th was the day that I contacted him. You see, his daughter wanted to know him. Ok. I bit the bullet. Now I am waiting for the explosion. Much to my surprise, and delight, there was no explosion. None at all. I was incredibly happy with the outcome. I began planning an epic summer road trip for the eldest to meet her family.

Soon after the epic leap of faith response moment came the epic fight. The epic moment of go away, no more, I'm done. It apparently was an epic cleansing for both of us involved. Just so you know the epic fight was not with the epic leap of faith. Sometimes people grow apart, sometimes friendship just fades away, and sometimes friends can't handle what is happening in your life. They think they can, but in reality, it's just too much to take in. Sometimes, their hearts are in the right place, but, it's really not what you need or want to hear at the moment. Sometimes, opinions can be the death of something that once was great. You know? I am a firm believer that everyone comes into your life for some reason. I know the reason. I appreciate the reason and I will treasure the lessons learned and the memories made. That is all I am going to talk about that. Moving on.

Summer 2013: Now, I realize that I still have an ENTIRE MONTH left in the summer. So far, it has been so amazing, and wonderful and beautiful I just have to share it with you. June was half way filled with the end to another school year. I am proud to report that I have a rising 9^th, 3^rd and 2^nd grader. Pretty sure I said that in a previous blog, but, whatever, still proud, still gloating. I made a few trips to the Bestie's house. I had another one planned, but my gall bladder had different ideas. If you skipped that blog......well.....piss on you. You don't deserve to know about it anyway. I recuperated just enough to still make my trip out west. Far, far out west. Oh, what the hell. I went to Oklahoma. (Yeah, just so you know, I have people there.) I started off my trip with a pit stop at the Bestie's house so that the littles could run off their energy and not drive me batty all the way to Arkansas. We stayed a couple hours and hit the highway. We made it to our destination around 9:30 pm, slept for the night, well the kiddos did, me? Not so much. We got up in the morning early, had our breakfast and headed in to visit with friends and family. We made it out of there around noon thirty-ish and were absolutely, 100% Oklahoma bound! I had many texts and phone calls asking where we were, if we had arrived yet, what time we thought we would be there, etc, etc. Arrival time: 6:30ish. HOLY SHIT BALLS. After 16 years of not seeing his sister, she ran to me with open arms and hugged me so tight. It was amazing. He was standing across the parking lot with a smile on his face that I hadn't seen in 15 years. 15 years people. 15 years of not seeing this man. My eldest daughter was hugging her Aunt. When she finished, I walked her over to meet her Father for the first time in her life. She stood there, I stood there and waited for her to hug him, well, she didn't budge, so, I took my chance to get a hug that I haven't had in so long. It was forgiveness and a new found respect for both of us. For either of us to get over the pain and anger from all those years is quite the miracle, in and of itself. God works in mysterious ways. God also has a way of healing wounds that you think can never be healed. Long story shorter than it could be, with probably more detail than you need, I was reunited with a family that I was sure wanted nothing to do with me, friends that I thought would despise me, new family members that welcomed me with open arms, and introduced to a niece that I absolutely adore. My eldest is happy. She sees where she came from, and appreciates the love that she is given. She knows she is loved and wanted, and the healing has begun for her. Thank you Jesus. We stayed longer than we had originally planned, which was great. It gave us more time. It gave us a few more days to be with family. We headed back to the East Coast. It was sad, but, I was determined not to cry. I know we will be back. Actually, planning on heading back that way come Christmas. Provided that the epic divorce leaves me being able to deliver children to their fathers for holidays. There is so much to this story that everyone SHOULD know, but, unfortunately CAN'T know until the timing is right.

I arrived back at the Bestie's house and have been here since. Headed home in the next couple days. Gotta love on my fur babies. We have been crafting and singing and laughing and having a grand time. Can't wait to finish out our vacation with a bang!

Later taters!

Continuing the #epic13 in true Lou fashion!

~Lou~

The ER, The Hospital and Me

Sunday evening I enjoyed a lovely Ruben sandwich from Arby's. While my mouth enjoyed it, my stomach revolted. I got the worst, and I do mean the WORST stomach ache of my entire life. That shit started in the top right part of my abdomen and wrapped all the way around my body. I determined that it must mean that I had some KILLER gas building up, so, I went to bed at around 11pm, an hour after it started. At 12:30 I woke up in excruciating pain. I got up, went to the bathroom. No luck. No relief. No ending to the pain. Standing, sitting, crouching, laying down, curling in a ball...nothing worked. This went on for about an hour and a half of my position changing and pleading with God to make it stop and I would go to the doctor first thing in the morning. I would do anything to not have to go to the ER. ANYTHING. Finally, I hear my own voice repeating what I had said just a week before to a dear friend.... “You really need to go to the ER. If it is your Gall Bladder, it could explode and it could kill you.” So, up I get, grab my shit and wake the eldest daughter to notify her of my impending trip to the nearest emergency department.

Eldest shoots up like a rocket demanding to know exactly what is wrong, and when I will be home and what they are going to do. All questions I can not answer for her. I hopped in Shoshanna and basically screamed the entire drive to the hospital. I get in. Sign paperwork with some kind of unknown signature, because it was NOT my handwriting coming from my hand (thinking some kind of demon possession was happening at that point.).

Triage Nurse: Adorable guy. Asked me if I was ready to hate him. I said “Why would I hate you?” Then I realize. He's gonna push on my stomach. BASTARD. You cute BASTARD. Pushing on my fat gut and nearly causing me to punch you in your adorable face for causing me so much pain. HOWEVER, he gives this crooked little smirk and says “What did you eat for dinner?” I replied with my dinner, and, again, with the crooked smirk “That's a common culprit.” WHAT?? He walks me to the back yammering on about how my Gall Bladder is pissed. They are going to want a urine sample, some blood, start an IV, probably do an ultrasound, administer some pain meds, and probably keep me here a few days so they can take that bitch out. WHAT??? No, no, no, you don't understand. I am a single mom. 3 kids. No time for surgery. I was told that unless I want to suffer like this repeatedly, I should just do what they say and suck it up. Ok. Whatever. Let's see what the doc has to say.

Doc comes right in. I think you have an issue with your Gall Bladder. I'm going to order some labs, you need to pee in a cup, and then get some more tests run. I pee in cup. I have another adorable male come in to start my IV and draw my blood. He gets the cath put in, and OOPS, releases the needle too early. Well, well, well, now we have blood shooting all over the room. Blood on my BRAND NEW PAJAMAS. I realize that my blood is THICK, and DARK. Cutie compares it to ketchup. Asks if I would like to try some on my Hot Dog. Yeah, NO THANKS. Carry on, take my blood out of the room, flush my IV and get me rolling on some fluids. Thanks.

I get set up on fluids, labs are rolling and ultrasound comes to get me. After a freaking 45 minute ultrasound of my Gall Bladder, Liver and Kidney, in which I was consistently told “Big breath in and hold.....................................................................................................................and breathe.” I get back to my room. Doc comes right in “Your white blood cell count is slightly elevated, which means if it is your Gall Bladder, it needs to come out. I'm gonna start you on antibiotics, get you pain meds and wait for the ultrasound results.” Nurse comes in, starts IV antibiotics, gives me my first ever dose of Morphine, and I attempt to sleep. Start sending text messages when sleep does not come. It's 4 am. I hear something about Code Silver over the intercom. Make mental note of this Code Silver and decide that research will be done later to determine what exactly this means.

Let me go back to the Morphine for a minute. First of all, AMAZING pain killer. AMAZING. Second of all OUCH MOTHER FUCKER. That shit HURTS when it hits. Because it hits like a ton of bricks. But, Morphine and I have become fast friends. It actually kills my pain, unlike the Ultram that they are giving me. That ain't shit. It doesn't even touch my pain. Ok, I guess it does touch it. It takes the edge off, but it doesn't kill the pain. Well, it is what it is, and I take what I am offered. Because, let's be honest, edge off is better than no edge off, RIGHT?

Doc comes in and tells me that my GB is full of stones and that it is inflamed. She says she is going right now to call the surgeon and see what he wants to do. She comes right back, says they are admitting me and surgery will be scheduled. YAY.....just what I wanted to hear. So, at 5:30 in the morning, I sit in the ER waiting on a room to be ready for me. By 7:30, I am headed up to my room.

Surgeon enters room. Tall, very handsome older gentleman comes in and draws a lovely diagram of what the problem is and explains that he can not do the surgery today that it will have to be done tomorrow and that his scheduler is going to make the appointment and let me know when I will be going under. So, I spend the day and night in the hospital. Barely sleeping. Getting pumped full of Cipro, Zofran, Pepcid, Heprin, Morphine and Tramadol. Because of the crazy ass bitch down the hall. OMG. This is a story all it's own.

Let me start at the beginning. First of all, I have had really good nurses. I mean REALLY GOOD NURSES. They have, for the most part been right on top of my pain meds, and everything I have asked for. So, that afternoon, when I called 3 times over the course of an hour and a half for pain meds and no nurse arrived. I was quite irritated. She finally came in and I asked her if she had my Morphine, and she looked at me like I had 12 heads because guess what? NO ONE FUCKING TOLD HER I WAS ASKING FOR PAIN MEDS FOR AN HOUR AND A FUCKING HALF. Whatever. I know who it was too, and that bitch better stay the fuck away from me the rest of the time I am here. I'll rip her damn face off. (Haven't seen hide nor hair of her ass since that day either.)

ANYWAY, it turns out that for the 45 minutes prior to my nurse arriving in my room, she spent with my neighbor.....2 doors down. Apparently this woman is needy. Not just needy, she is beyond needy. She is the epitomy of needy. In her necessitous state, she has managed to throw every other patient on the floor off schedule with their meds and other important things. Now, I have heard this incessant dinging the entire time I have been on the 4^th floor. It was not until the night nurse came in and flat out told me that it was HER. The freaking lady 2 doors down from me. CONSTANTLY ringing for the nurse. CONSTANTLY yelling “HELP ME”. Now, ordinarially, this would bother me, and I would feel badly for the person in such pain. But, since I had been on this floor for over 12 hours and all I have heard from Ms. Indigent down the hall is DING FUCKING DING FUCKING DING AND HELP ME, I am really over her shit. I finally looked at my night nurse, who was amazing by the way, and told her I was about to get up, walk down there tell her to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THROW SOMETHING AT HER. She was really pissing me off, because, honestly, I was having to wait at a minimum of 30 minutes past my pain medication time, which just means it takes that much longer to get it back under control. So, lady down the hall, officially on my shit list.

I managed to blow my IV that they placed in the ER, so, my awesome night nurse changed that out for me. She was pretty damn good at it too. No blood everywhere, no major mishaps, it worked seamlessly. She did a great job, made me happy, and I was pain free again thanks to the Morphine she so graciously pushed right up in my IV. :) I was told that they would be coming to take me to surgery between 9 and 9:30 the next morning, so, I tried to sleep. TRIED. Not with all the fucking DINGING from down the damn hall. BITCH.

The next morning (Tuesday) I met my new day nurse team, and they started to prep me for going down to surgery. They pumped me full of my daily and twice daily and multiple times daily meds, cleaned me up, changed me, and just as I was going potty, I hear.... “OMG, they are here!” Well, they came up to get me at 7:45. WHAT THE HELL? They said between 9 and 9:30. Holy Canoli. Ok, here we go. Down to pre-op. I sit down there in the super uncomfortable, yet lovely shade of purple gown made of plastic and paper. Doc came in, Anesthesiologist came in, Anesthesiologist's Nurse came in, Doc's Nurse came in. They start rolling me back to the OR. Anesthesiologist Nurse pushed something to relax me into my IV. Yep. Anesthesiologist comes over and says “Hi!” I remember nothing else until I was in recovery. They were asking me how I felt. I'm thinking to myself..... “Really? You want to know how I feel?? I feel like someone has just beaten the shit out of my stomach, that's how I feel.” yet, the small, simple words “It hurts.” were what came from my lips. SO, Fentanyl was pushed repeatedly into my IV. Then Toradal was pushed in rapid succession. I was sleeping, clearly, because I had supurb amounts of drugs running through my veins. Well, the recovery nurse starts yelling at me about breathing. What the hell? I'm SLEEPING FOOL!!!! I am NOT worried about breathing right now. GEEZ. She continued to holler about taking big deep breaths and eventually just threw oxygen on me. I was totally out of it. I didn't want to hear her voice, I wanted to sleep. That's all. Just sleep. Fucking shut up about breathing. I don't care. I'm sleeping nurse loud mouth.

I finally get back to my room, greeted by both of my nurses for the day. Wonderful women, they were. I saw that my Dad was sitting in the chair in my room waiting for me. He said the Doc came out to the waiting room and recapped the surgery. Said the GB was PISSED. Inflamed, full of stones and just overall nasty. Then he told my Dad that I have a hernia. WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY? Did he fix it? NO. No he didn't. He said that he was more worried about getting that GB out and taking care of that issue first. So, now, I will have to come back to have another surgery for a hernia. I'm waiting until after the first of the year for that bitch to get done. Not trying to do that shit any time soon. Dad said that the Doctor had come up to my room to see me and I still wasn't there. He thought I would only be in recovery for 45 minutes, but, I was actually there for 2 hours. Poor Dad. But, he waited. And made sure I was ok, and then went home to rest. Bless him.

I stayed drugged up the rest of the day, alternating Morphine and Tramadol. Don't remember too much until night shift change when I got an AMAZING nurse again. This girl was a kindred spirit. A soul that is dealing with almost the very same situation as I am, and hers started 3 days after mine. Fate brought us together to have a most lovely bond, and beautiful night sharing our stories. I was supposed to have her back tonight, but she called out. :( BOO HISS ON HER. It's all good though. I don't rightly blame her. The bitch down the hall is enough to make every nurse here call out every fucking day until she leaves! (Side note: Code Silver called twice this day, and a Code Red.)

Morning came and I got my awesomesauce nurse back again. She and I cackled all through the day. Discussing farts, crazy ass retarded tape that wouldn't rip right, burps, poop, diets, you know, regular conversation between nurse and patient. She made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to bust open all my incisions. Seriously, she ran into the door and forgot to push the button, so all I hear is a THUD on my door. She also had a fight with the tape for my IV, and the tape nearly won, again, hysterical laughter. Thankfully, I didn't bust open any incisions. She assaulted my thigh because I had this great idea that a Heprin shot in my thigh would be so much better than in my stomach. She accomadated my wild thought, and now I sport a lovely bruise on my thigh from that shot. She giggled later and said, “Well, you said it would be better in your thigh than in your stomach.” I was not so amused. I thought that she should have warned me that I would have a nasty ass ugly bruise from that shit. Maybe she did. Maybe I was too drugged to remember. Sadly, she was off the rest of my stay. I said my farewell to her and wished her a happy few days off. (Code Silver called once this day.)

Night nurse. I think she does not like me very much. She doesn't get my sense of humor. I'mma need night nurse from the first night to come in and give her a reality check and inform her of my awesomness. Because, clearly, she missed the memo. All the other nurses on the floor love me, what is her issue? Whatever, she wants me to walk more. I don't want to. My stomach swells up and I look about 7 months pregnant by the time I am done walking. Fuck that noise dude. It HURTS too. I need her to pump me full of Morphine and Dilaudid. I don't need to be questioned. Thanks though. I walked, to make her happy, and came back bloated and miserable. Proved my point, got my Pepcid, Cipro IV, Zofran, shot of Heprin, and went to bed. Passed out. I slept a whole 4 and a half hours! WOOHOO!! It was amazing. She came in around 5:30 after I called for pain meds and said that I must have done ok during the night since she didn't hear anything from me. Whatever, yeah, 4 and a half hours I was ok. That must be record breaking. (Code Silver called once this night.)

New day nurse. Cute as a button. Sweet as can be. Hooked me up to the dreaded Cipro, gave me some Morphine, Zofran, Pepcid, and another shot of mother fucking Heprin. Heat pack applied to IV site to prevent the pain from the Cipro (that shit hurts too), and a painful venture to the bathroom. Oh yeah, did I manage to tell you all that they are making me pee in some kind of contraption to measure my urine? Yeah, been doing that stupid shit since I got here. Whatever. If it makes them happy, good. The Doc came in to see me and decided that I should be taking 2 Dilaudid and a Motrin for my pain. Ok, let's try that. Yeah, not so much. Got the painful IV removed. Cried most of the afternoon because I am so sore and hurt and bitchy. Napped. Got my discharge information, and now I sit, waiting for my 5:45 dose of Dilaudid and for my parents to pick me up at 6. Yay. I have 8,000 restrictions on me. Not happy. Whatever. So, my amazing and awesome trip to Oklahoma will result in NO swimming for me. :( Not happy. Super sad. It's ok though, I am sure they will entertain me in other ways. No pushing, pulling or lifting over 10 pounds for 6 freaking weeks. Great. It's ok, I got this. I can do this. Because I am amazing, and awesome. (Code Silver called once this day. Level 1 Trauma came into the hospital as well. I know because they announced it over the loud speaker for the entire hospital to hear.)

CODE SILVER: Unruly, dangerous patient. Apparently, we have a lot of those here in this hospital.

CODE RED: FIRE. WTF? Glad I didn't burn to death.

Well, it's been an adventure. Apparently one I will likely experience again, just with a hernia this time instead of the GB. Farewell dear Gall Bladder from hell. I would say you will be missed, but, hey, not really. I'm glad your cranky ass is gone. I haven't shit since you left me. That in and of itself is a small miracle. Ok, it's probably all the narcotics I am on, but, I'm gonna go with the GB was messing my stomach up so bad. Yeah. Because it's easier to blame it on that than to admit that the beloved narcotics are jacking me up.

For now, I am going to rest. So, now you know my story. I hope it was entertaining. Oh, and here are some pictures for you.

Sweet note from the Eldest Child and the Littlest Little.

Sweet note from the Littlest Little, Boy Child and Niece :)

First IV placed in ER.

Oil change anyone?

AWWW, a welcome basket :)

My surgeon's awesome artwork diagram for me. :D

Someone fucked this fork up. For Serious. Think it out for a minute. Me, seriously drugged up. Trying to eat with this fork. Think about it....LAUGH....resume.

Heprin bruise.

I think this IV is DONE. 

Yeah, it's gross.

 

LOOK! PREENER!! Dolphin on stick.

Happy 4^th!

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 30: Favorite Comfort Food

So, I realize that I missed my last day of June blog. So sorry. I got ill. I mean ILL. So very ill that I wound up in the ER and in surgery this morning for it. You see, there is this little asshole thing in your body called a Gall Bladder. Well, mine decided to fill up with stones, block my duct and then proceed to become severely inflamed and slightly infected. With that being said. I am going to catch you up on the last day of blogging and then fill you in on my hospital adventures.

My favorite comfort food. Well, seeing as how I am now eating HOSPITAL food, which happens to be quite delicious believe it or not, I will share with you that a good homemade macaroni and cheese, or fried chicken or homemade mashed potatoes, or Kim's dressing and Richard's fried Turkey (which I only get at Thanksgiving). It's just delish. Amazing. Give me any of those things, and I am one happy camper.

Ok, I am off to start this major hospital adventure blog.

Love to you all. Well, most of you. You know, the ones that aren't stalking me just to piss me off. Yep, called you out again. Hope you are enjoying your 15 minutes of fame Homewrecker!

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 29: Top Things On My Bucket List

Bucket, bucket, bucket list. Ok, this is gonna be a LONG ass post, so, I hope you are ready for it. My bucket list is long. I want to do so much before I kick it. I can't pick just the top items on the list, so, I thought I would grace you all with my ENTIRE bucket list. I doubt I will get to accomplish a lot of it, but, it's on the list, so if I do, YAY for me!

Let's get down to business. Starting with the most attainable things on the list first.

• See the Texas Bluebonnets. Photograph them. Be happy.
• Put together a family cookbook. Started on this once, need to restart. Somehow I lost the notebook that had all my shit in it. Damnit.
• Make a crochet granny square blanket.
• Knit myself a pair of socks. Might take the rest of my life, but, hopefully I will accomplish this one day!
• Vacation in Gatlinburg, TN. It's beautiful there.
• Make bath salts. Not the kind that make you crazy, the kind you actually soak your body in.
• Start and continue a gratitude journal.
• Keep a daily journal for at least one year.
• Can foods. All kinds. Master the art.
• Figure out how to mold my children into amazing adults.
• Do a photo a day for a entire year.
• Stay just one night at the Ritz Carlton. Just to experience it.
• Go to the Bonaventure Cemetary in Savannah, Georgia.
• Take time to photograph the Bell Gable in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
• See the big Jesus and the Thorncrown Chapel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas.
• See the Proxy Falls and Multnoma Falls in Oregon.
• Have a love that lasts a lifetime. A love that actually follows vows. A love that is REAL.
• Watch my babies get married, and start lives of their own.
• Have grandbabies. Love them. Play with them. Laugh at them.
• Live on my family compound. (That comes with a whole bucket list of it's own.)

Now, on to the hopes and dreams. Because let's be honest, it's gonna cost a LOT of money for me to actually make these things attainable.

• Trampoline bridge in France. Why? Because I would LOVE to pee my pants while crossing a trampoline bridge over a river in France. That's why.
• Visit Jerusalem. Walk where Jesus walked. (I went to Memphis and walked where Elvis walked. I stood in the studio he recorded in. I got chills. It was amazing. I can't imagine how much more amazing it would be to experience where Jesus was.)
• Go to Germany. EAT. DRINK. Be merry.
• Go to Greece. Eat some more and take some AMAZING photos.
• Go to England. Visit London, where my Daddy was born.
• Head over to Whales while I'm there. Rumor has it, we have some family roots in Whales.
• Tour Scotland. Because it's pretty.
• Visit the Fairy Pools in Isle of Skye, Scotland while I am there.
• Tour Ireland. Because it's pretty too. And I want to dance naked under the full moon with the fairies. (If you have to ask, clearly, you don't get it.)
• Find some of the most amazing castles and ruins in Europe and photograph them. For my own personal happiness.
• See the pink lake in Australia.
• Go to the Glass Beach in Hawaii.
• Visit the Crimson Forrest in Poland. Just because it's gorgeous!!!
• Go on an Alaskan Cruise. See the Northern Lights. Just once.

There you have it. The beginnings of my bucket list. Maybe one day will cheerfully announce that I have accomplished EVERYTHING on my list. I'm gonna plan for that.

Shoot for the moon and I will at least land among the stars, RIGHT? Right. I thought you would see it my way.

Off to survive the rest of my Saturday.

Love, hugs and smooches....to most of you.

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 28: Last Time I Cried

I'm seriously over the personal aspect of this blogging challenge. I don't really want to go into the last time I cried and why. So, I'm not. For this particular day, I am bowing out gracefully. With my head held high. That's my business and frankly no one else needs to know those personal details. So, dear stalker, you lose on this particular day. Take yourself and your stalking ways and stay the fuck off of my blog, BITCH. I don't mess with you, and I expect the same fucking courtesy from your skank ass. Now, act your age, not your fetus' age. 

With that being said, have a wonderful Friday everyone!

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 27: What Makes Me Feel Better, Always

Well, I could say a whole bunch of things here. I could say that she always makes me feel better, or he used to always make me feel better, or my dogs always make me feel better, or chocolate always makes me feel better. I could say that revenge, or watching Karma work always makes me feel better. But, you know what? I'm not. I'm not elaborating on that. Not on any of that. I am going this route instead.

PEPSI. A nice, ice cold Pepsi always makes me feel better. Feel the Pepsi love. Feel it. FEEL IT. Do you? DO YOU?? I thought so.

Whenever I was sick as a child, my PawPaw used to bring me an ice cold Pepsi Cola to make me feel better. I don't know, it stuck. It works for moods, it works for sick tummies and SOMETIMES it works for migraines. It is what it is, and it works for me.

I'm out for the night.

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 26: 5 Favorite Blogs

Let me be completely, 100% honest for a few minutes. Yes, I am a blogger. No, I really DON'T read a lot of blogs. I'm too busy gathering awesomeness for my next blog. It's just the way it is. I don't read other people's blogs to get ideas on what to blog. That's not how I roll. I will go long periods of time just simply NOT blogging, and then something happens, and I have to share it with my tiny section of the blogosphere. Right now is a little different, only because I am doing this blog challenge. Something I have bitched about, BUT, I have really, secretly enjoyed. I don't really like all the PERSONAL shit I have had to put out there, but, it is what it is, and now you know it.

I do have some blogs that I read on a regular basis. But FIVE? Hell no. I don't have time to regularly read five blogs. The ones I do read are blogs of friends. Pretty much, this is how it goes. I read those blogs because I am nosey, they are my friends, and I want to know what they are doing, and blogging about. That's pretty much it. So, here are the THREE blogs that I read on a regular basis.

www.peanutsandsticks.blogspot.com

www.amessyindulgence.blogspot.com

http://www.heatherhildenbrand.blogspot.com/

Three of my favorite blogs. Besides my own. Now, if you know me, and your blog is not listed. Freaking tell me that you read my blog and I should read yours!!! Just sayin'.

I'm out. Going to start my Aca-Amazingness for the day.

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 25: Best Physical Feature

I am not one to go around calling myself gorgeous. Most of the time, I feel like a frumpy, dumpy, lumpy wad. I'm pretty hard on myself as far as looks go. I don't see much beauty in myself. INSIDE, I see a lot of beauty, outside, not so much. It's a flaw. A big, fat, ugly flaw in me. I can't help it. I've tried to change, and sometimes, I have really good days with it. Most of the time, it is a struggle.

Everyone has always told me I am beautiful. I have a hard time believing it. Beautiful people don't struggle in relationships. Beautiful people don't lose their family. Beautiful people don't get cheated on. Repeatedly. Beautiful people don't think of themselves as ugly, and worthless.

Here we go with the personal shit again. I really am beginning to hate this blog challenge. It's bringing up way too many issues and feelings for my liking.

Once upon a time, I would have said that my best personal feature would have been my legs and my ass. Yes, once upon a time, those bitches were BANGIN'! Now, they are fat, and ugly.

Maybe I will pick the one thing that my sister, Kim, says she LOVES. She is super pissed about my eyebrows. She loves the shape of them. The arch. Of course, I have to have them WAXED ALL TO HELL TO GET THAT PERFECT ARCH, but, none the less, according to her, they are perfect. (Without the waxing, I look like mix between Steven Segal and Groucho Marx. As a matter of fact, blame the soon to be ex for my waxing/plucking obsession. He decided to call me Manny....you know, the big fat ass Mammoth from Ice Age? Yeah. Because he was THAT kind of husband.) She is also extremely impressed (and laughs hysterically) when I raise my ONE eyebrow.

But, I am supposed to be picking MY favorite physical feature about myself, right? I would have to say, if it were ONE thing, I would choose my eyes. I have big, brown eyes. They sparkle and shine and a lot of the time radiate happiness, laughter and love.

So, there you have it. My eyes (and my eyebrows according to Kim).

Done for today. Post surgery baby is not feeling so well today, not sleeping, and is feverish. Gotta pump some more popsicles in her little body. Fluids, fluids, fluids.

Later. Potate if you can!

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 24: A Difficult Time In My Life

This is quickly becoming super personal. I'm not really sure I want to share my difficulties in such a raw, real format. See, I tend to do this thing....where I mask my difficulties with humor. It helps me cope, it makes life seem not quite so shitty. Also, I have noticed that this particular blog challenge is turning into a repetitive bitch. Or maybe it's me that's the repetitive bitch. Oh well, whatever.

I have been ordered to blog about a difficult time in my life. I could blog about my first love and losing that love. I could blog about the 14 years of anger I carried. I could blog about my marriage falling to shit. I could blog about losing my grandfather. I could blog about the teenage angst that I endured. I could blog about lost friends. I could blog about being bullied. I could blog about losing pets. I could blog about all kinds of shit. I just don't exactly know where to go with this. **SIGH** I believe I am going to have to think on this one for quite some time. It's 8:14 in the fucking morning and I am not so sure that I appreciate this day's blog being quite so challenging. Yes, I understand, it's a BLOG CHALLENGE. Not the point I am making here.

This. This is a difficult time in my life. I'll start by giving you a short run down of what is happening. I am getting a divorce. I am reconnecting with family that I haven't spoken to in 15 and 16 years. I am raising 3 kids by my damn self. I am determining who is real, who is fake and who needs to fuck off permanently. I am exhausted. I am irritated, aggravated, and feel like my head is going to spin completely around spewing split pea soup on an hourly basis. I am volatile. I am torn. I am broken. I am burnt. I am scarred. I am ANGRY. And, rightly so.

Will I overcome this difficult time? You bet your ass I will. I've overcome everything else that's been thrown in my fucking happy road. It will take time, and perseverance, but perseverance is not something I lack. This being said, you are either riding in the wagon with me, or you are left behind in the dust trail. If you want to come, come on, but make no mistake....I take no shit. So, don't start trying to add bullshit on top of the crazy crap pile I already have going on, because I WILL drop your ass like a bad habit. I have no time for excess drama in my life.

Guess that turned out to be a little bitchier than I meant for it to be. Oh well. My blog. Don't like it? Tough shit. Don't read it. I need coffee, a shower and to hit the road. I'm so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open. Hopefully this surgery is quick and I will be home before too terribly late.

Wish me luck, pray for Littlest Little.

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 23: Pet Peeves

Right now, my major pet peeve is my littlest little that is screaming that no one cares if she dies, and she is keeping her tonsils and adenoids that are scheduled to be removed in the morning. She says, and I quote “I don't care if I have sleep acnea (Yes, I know this is wrong, but it is how she pronounces it.). I'm keeping these tonsils and adenoids. I am a worthless squirrel!” Clearly the child is lacking in the sleep department at the moment and has some anxiety about the surgery scheduled for in the morning. I do feel bad for her, broken foot, surgery....summer is a bummer for her. Oh well, it has to be done. I'd rather have her pissy and alive than dead in her sleep because she stopped breathing.

Another pet peeve I have is my tiniest puppy. Her freakishly long tongue can reach places it shouldn't. She also hops around like a rabbit. YOU ARE A FUCKING DOG....ACT LIKE ONE.

Does anyone else have an issue with people trying to control them? Maybe not, maybe it's just me, but, let me tell you....I LOATHE that. This shit happens to me on a continual basis with me. If it's not one person, it's another. Just leave me the fuck alone people! I am 35 and a grown ass woman. I'm pretty sure I earned the right to make my own decisions. I appreciate concern and guidance, but, I do NOT appreciate someone telling me WHAT to do, or expecting me to answer for the decisions I make. Guess what? You have your own life. Go live it. Don't try to live mine.

I can not stand it when someone walks in front of my camera. When you see the camera out, and pointed, DON'T FUCKING WALK IN FRONT OF ME ASSHOLES. JUST DON'T. It's rude, inconsiderate, and downright hateful. Next time someone does it, I'm posting the picture, with a big fat red arrow pointing at the person that says ASSHAT ALERT.

My dogs play a good, healthy, LENGTHLY game of grab ass on my bed....NIGHTLY. It gets old, and annoying, and now it just plain pisses me off when they do it.

None of my kids pay one lick of attention to what I say at any point in time. I could say... “Hey, don't go outside, there is a meteor shower, and you WILL get hit in the head and DIE.” OR “There is a car driving down the street, don't walk out there.” OR “A chicken shit in the sidewalk, make sure you look where you are walking.” OR “If you keep doing THAT, you are gonna get hurt.” OR “I SAID GET YOUR ASS IN BED!!!” No matter what, they act like I am mute. All. The. Time. Whatever, one day they will want my advice, my help, to hear my voice.....and guess what? I'm gonna be MUTE. HA! Take that bitches!

I am also peeved by people who think they are better than others because of money, or education, or status, or who their parents are. FUCK THAT SHIT. Be real. People are people. It's time we all start realizing that, and acting civilized.

Spitting. Spitting is fucking gross. If you do it, stop. Seriously. It's nasty. No one wants to be be-bopping down the street and step in your SPIT. GAG. Really, spit in private, in a trash can, sink or toilet. Not in public. No one wants to see that shit. ((SHUDDER))

Ok, I could go on for hours, days and pages with this shit. Alas, it's just ONE blog. I should stop. Before you ALL hate me. That's just a smattering of the things that pet my peeve.

Tomorrow will be busy with the littlest little's surgery. I will do my best to get a blog pounded out. It all depends on how well she handles the anesthesia.

Hugs and Kisses,

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 22: 10 Favorite Songs

You know what? This is ridiculous. If you know me at all, picking 10 favorite songs is virtually impossible. But, I am going to give it my best shot. I am sure that most of my songs will be newer songs on this list. By no means does this indicate that these are the top 10 of all time. Just my current top 10.

1. Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke.....SEXY.
2. Clarity by Zedd Ft. Foxes.....Hits the nail on the head.
3. Night Train by Jason Aldean....He's my country music boyfriend. I love all his songs.
4. I Love It by Icona Pop.....Best summer song in a long time. Probably due to everything I am personally going through. Whatever, it's making my summer '13 FUCKING EPIC.
5. Mama's Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert.....This song is making perfect sense to me. It also helps that my littlest little mishears the lyrics and thinks she is talking about “Fix Your Bacon Baby!”
6. Treasure by Bruno Mars.....Because he is amazing and I could eat his face off he's so damn adorable. I love all his songs.
7. Here's To Never Growing Up by Avril Lavigne....It's a good song. For reals.
8. Suit And Tie by Justin Timberlake Ft. Jay Z...DISCLAIMER....I dislike Jay Z. With a passion. With that being stated, JT is effing sexy as hell. Sing it to me baby.
9. Lego House by Ed Sheeran.....because he's British, and a red head, and looks like Prince Harry, AND he is one of my guilty pleasures. So....suck it. I love him.
10. Downtown by Lady Antebellum....Let's be honest for a second. Who DOESN'T like Lady A? I love them, and all their songs. Because they are amazing, and awesome, and sound lovely.

There you have it. My top 10 current hits. If you DON'T know one, I beg of you to go listen to them on Spotify, or YouTube. NOW. Thank you. They are all by amazing artists who speak to my heart with their lyrics. Except of course Robin Thicke and JT. They are just flat out sexy. They could be singing about shit on a shingle and snakes eating mice and it would STILL sound sexy as hell.

Carry on. Blog for this day's challenge is DONE.

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 21: Something I Miss

I mostly miss my childhood. Being footloose and fancy free. You know, back in the good old days. Before cell phones, computers, internet, 1,000 cable channels, DVR's, all that technological jumble-fuck that has infiltrated our society and pretty much turned us to shit.

Life was simpler then. When we were bored, we went outside and played. If we went somewhere, you would hear from us when we got back. There was no keep in touch 24/7, no telling the world what you were doing, when you were doing it, how you were doing it and how long you would be doing it for, no instant messaging, no status updates, tweets or instagram photos. Cameras took this really archaic stuff called FILM, not a memory card. You couldn't load your pictures on a computer and edit them, you had to take them to a photo lab and get them developed. No editing there either, you either took good pictures, or you sucked. There was no happy medium. Letters were a form of communication. LETTERS. You know, the things you used to do when you wanted to talk to someone far away but didn't quite have the money for that long distance call?? Paper, pen, envelope, stamp. HANDWRITING. I know, odd, not normal, how old fashioned!

How ironic that I am posting all of this HERE, in the mighty, mighty blogosphere for all of the world to read. Just as soon as I hit that post button.

I miss the simplicity. Unless something catostrophic happens, I won't have as much simplicity as I would like, unless of course, I go off grid. Maybe I will one day. Maybe.

Potatin' on for the rest of my day!!

Enjoy yours :)

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 20: Where I Want To Be In 10 Years

This challenge has turned out to be rather loaded. Loaded with all kinds of ammunition. Whatever, moving forward. 

I have so much that I want to do with my life. 10 years is not that far away. Actually, it will be here before I know it. 

Within 10 years I can see myself right where I want to be. Living on my family compound, with my parents, my sister & brother in law, my niece, my kiddos, maybe a new husband if I am blessed enough to be granted one. Acres and acres of cleared land, wooded land, a stocked lake, sheds, chickens, maybe some livestock, learning to hunt, clean the things I kill, properly cook them, use their hides. You know, I'll turn into a real country redneck girl. I'll wear blue jeans and t shirts (wow, so different from my normal wardrobe today), ballcaps, maybe a cowboy hat, boots, sneakers, but make no mistake, flip flops will abound in my compound. Even though my family compound will be far inland, I will make sure that I make it back to the coast. One annual trip to the beach. Sand must be between my toes at least once a year. I was born and raised at the oceanfront. Saltwater runs in my veins. I will have a big old farm truck, painted pink. Just because. I will have lots of purple flowers. All different kinds. I will can, preserve, cook, fuck shit up, laugh, be happy, love, and continue my awesomeness. Because let's be honest, even when I am 10 years older, I will STILL be amazing and awesome and someone that everyone wants to be part of. Just a true statement, true story. Life. I can't wait to get to living the rest of mine!!!

Potatin' the rest of my day away!!

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 19: My Worst Habits

Hang on to your seats, cuz this is gonna be one hell of a blog.

I have a lot of bad habits. Shall I list them?

1. Smoking: Nasty little habit, however, it prevents me from becoming homicidal, so, tobacco will continue to be my friend.
2. Cursing: Can't really fucking stop that shit, now can I? It's just too damn hard. Been doing it too damn long. It is what it fucking is. Like it or don't. I don't fucking care.
3. Taking too much shit: That's pretty self explanatory. I take too much shit from people and I stuff it all down until I explode. That's all about to stop. From now on, you piss me off? FUCK YOU. I'm gonna say something. If I think you are being an asshole, I am gonna tell your ass. You can like it, lump it or stick it where the sun don't shine for all I care. I am DONE taking shit.
4. Trying too hard to make everyone else happy: I'm pretty much done with this one too. I don't give a shit if I make you happy, sad, angry, livid, pissy, butt hurt or anything else for that matter. Because NEWSFLASH MOTHER FUCKERS, this is MY life, and I'm gonna do with it what I damn well please. Don't like it? Fuck off. I don't give a shit.

I'm sure there are many, many more bad habits that I have, however, I'm done trying to figure them all out. I am sure that others could list countless more habits that they find absolutely abhorrent about me, but, this isn't their blog, now is it?? Anything you want to add? Add it to your own fucking blog.

Done with this one and almost caught up!!

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 18: What Am I Afraid Of?

Nothing. I am afraid of not a damn thing. Ok, that's a lie.

There are lots of things that I am afraid of. Snakes, mice, rats, things that go bump in the night. You know, typical girlie fears.

There are other things that I am afraid of. My pending divorce, starting a new life, losing the people I love, growing old, moving forward. I'm guessing that I should be elaborating on these fears for you.

I'm screaming afraid of the snakes, mice, and rats. SERIOUSLY. I SCREAM. They scare me. I realize that generally speaking they won't hurt me, and they are more afraid of me than I am of them. But, none the less, still, scared shitless of them.

On to the bigger and badder fears.

My pending divorce. You see, it's not so much that I am afraid of this. It is a grieving process. I am grieving the loss of a relationship. A 12 and a half year relationship, and almost 11 year marriage. It's sad, it hurts, it's lonely and no matter who says it, it was never a waste of time. Period. It was time well spent. Living, learning, laughing, growing, building, crying, fighting, overcoming, rejoicing, making tiny humans, building friendships, losing friendships, regaining friendships, and creating a family. So, wasted time? No. Not at all.

Starting a new life. This is a daunting task. It's scary and unknown and lonely and disturbing and it makes me cry and scream trying to build something alone. But, I have learned this....I can and will do it. Because I am THEIR mom. I will do it for them, and them only. Because I have learned that in this huge picture, I don't matter, he doesn't matter, THEY matter. They are the reason that I get up everyday. They are what keeps me chugging along. When it hurts so bad I want to just crawl away in a hole and never surface again, THEY smile, laugh, tell me they love me, and then life is worth it again.

Losing the people I love. No lie, this scares the shit out of me. I can 't bear the thought of losing my grandparents, my parents, my family. I've lost one grandparent, and that alone nearly tore me apart. I can't imagine how much worse it will be the more loss I encounter. I can't talk about this anymore. It makes me want to cry.

Growing old. I don't want to get old, and it's happening. It's happening people. It's scary. I'm getting gray hairs, creaky bones, sore joints and my brain no longer functions like it used to. Don't like it. I just don't like it.

Moving forward. Moving forward is a daunting task. It is difficult, and painful and terrifying. But, I will do it. I will manage to make it. I may feel as if my feet are cemented to the ground, but, I know that once I get moving, I will break into a run that will be so fast, no one will be able to catch me.

Because I am awesome, and amazing, and I don't give a shit if you choose to move forward with me or not. Because, where I am going, it will be sure to be epic.

There you have it.

Later,

~Lou~