Every Day Is Another Step Closer.

Kicking and screaming. That's how I am right now. I am kicking and screaming against my lesson for this year. See, the lesson is Letting Go. A theme that I have carried around on my blog and repeated and reminded you, the masses, about. Well, tonight, I realized that this Letting Go epiphany ties right into that big, scary word FORGIVENESS. Oh LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME! No, I am not good at this forgiveness thing. I mean, yeah, someone hurts my feelings, I am good at forgiving and moving forward with life. The level of pain that I have experienced this year is profound. It is the worst, sharpest, stabbiest, scab ripping off every time I turn around kind of pain. At times, it seems to be unbearable. I have beaten myself up so much over this. “Somehow, I have done something in my past to deserve such cruel and hateful punishment. I must deserve this treatment. I MUST have done SOMETHING to warrant such a painful, horrendous, terrifying turn in my life.”

You know what? I haven't done anything. That's exactly the point. I am not willing to forgive the people involved in this terrifying hell that I am living in. I am not willing to let it go, to move on, to forgive them as Christ forgives me. (Ok, hang on to your britches folks, I'm about to get a little preachy here.) Most of you will not know this, but a few, selected people do have the privilege of knowing me very well. I may curse like a sailor, but I am also a God fearing woman. I love Jesus, we are friends. I have conversations with God, a lot. I was raised in the church and I hold those teachings and my God near to my soul and the core of my being. I know what I believe, and I know that God is part of me. Jesus lives in my heart and one glorious day, I will get to live up in the Heaven. Ok? Are we all on the same page now? Good. Let's move on. So, there is this rule that I am supposed to follow. It's something to the effect of Forgive as I have forgiven you. Come on, are you serious? You do know and realize that I am not a God, I am HUMAN?? See, while I realize that I am freaking awesome and amazing, God, you can't seriously expect me to forgive these jackasses, right? Clearly that is the resounding YES that keeps slapping me in the face, which I am mistaking for Karma. It has been a sad night here. A sad night of realizing that I am exactly that, a human being. Not God. Not supernatural. Not anything more than a soul with a body, which makes me human for the time being. Humans are not perfected, hence the reason they are on this earth. Humans are not capable of forgiveness without help from the supernatural being above named.....yep, you guessed it, God.

So, kicking and screaming. That's what I have been doing. Kicking and screaming against everything in MY being. Defying God. Telling him to basically suck it. I'm not bending to your will. So, you know what has happened? Much like a 2 year old, I have been given a spiritual “spanking” if you will. That's the worst kind of whippin'. It hurts your most inner, soft, sensitive spots.

Ok, God, I get it. What? You want me to forgive these fools that have smashed me into pieces that can't even be counted? You want me to love them as you love them? See them through your eyes? Well, yeah, I can't do that. I'm sorry. It just doesn't work that way for this human. I can't do it alone. I must have help. I must have strength that I just don't have. You see, God, not that you need me to point this out to you, I hate them. I hate them with everything that I am. I hate what they have done, I hate what has become from their misery inflicting behavior. I more than hate. I loathe. I just can't do it alone. I have to have your help. After all, I am human. I'm not you. I'm not perfect, and I certainly don't love everyone.

There you have it. Raw. Unabridged. My conversation with God tonight. My update on my life, my catharsis and the embarrassing revelation that it took me 9 months to figure out that God was telling me Letting Go is Forgiving. I feel like such a dumb ass. Well, at least it came now. At least I can honestly say I am working towards that now. I am trying hard, and praying every step of the way. I am absolutely expecting a miracle.

If you are reading this and you are involved in this situation. Make no mistake. I have NOT forgiven you yet. I am working towards that. You are still on my shit list. Don't get too excited.

~Lou~

School!! YES!!

Well, it's been quite a while since I have entertained the masses with my clever wit and wisdom. I thought you were all over due for a good dose of Lou.

I'm not really sure where to begin. I know there is so much to tell you that I can not yet delve into. It makes me sad, because I want to share everything with my readers. Sometimes, that is just not possible. Unfortunately, now is one of those times. Soon I will be able to tell everyone EVERYTHING and it will be amazing, and cathartic and wonderful and beautiful and ugly and obnoxious and hairy and smelly and bitchy. All of the things we all love in one epic blog post, right? Right. I thought you would see things my way. I am, however, awesomesauce and amazingness all rolled into one.

Let me catch you up on the things I can catch you up on for the moment.

1. Have you noticed my new blog background and header? Yeah. School starts Tuesday. HELL YES! It's been a long, eventful summer. One of pain, one of love, one of fun, one of sights, one of epic proportions. That being said, I am ready for the kids to go back. They are ready to go back. Well, Littlest Little is not so happy about it, however, school schedule will soon take over and Littlest Little will be fine. Boy Wonder is super happy and excited to be going back to school. This surprises me none. The Eldest is starting High School and I am all over the place with that. I am excited for her, yet scared and sad all at the same time. I also realized how very old I am. Many extra white hairs have sprung from my scalp this summer. I'm telling you, God gave mother's an extra dose of crazy. We are all over the place all the time yet still manage to hold it all together. Amazing creatures we are. Wow, I digressed. Eldest is super excited and nervous.
2. I am battling with my own inner demons and the demons of other people. Not sure how that works exactly and why I am to battle someone else's demons, but, you know, whatever. Guess I deserve that Karma for a minute.
3. I am patiently waiting for Karma to FIND THE RIGHT FUCKING ADDRESS AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT NOW. I AM A GOOD PERSON. MOVE THE FUCK ALONG. I HAVE A LIST.....SHALL I REMIND YOU KARMA?
4. I am looking forward to the holidays this year. For the first time since Boy Wonder was born. Everything is new this year. Everything is different. Everything will be better for the rest of our lives. The negativity gone, and it will stay that way.

That is about all I can muster to say for the moment. Ok, I could totally muster more, however, it would not be in my best interest to do so.

Wishing you all a happy, safe and fun Labor Day Weekend.

Lots of love,

~Lou~

Sometimes, My Brain Just Won't STFU.

Occasionally, I have these random urges to blog. Maybe it's because there is so much going on in my heart and my head, I need to get it out. Sometimes, I am able to publish these blogs, other times, it's not so smart for me to publish. So, with those, they sit in my draft folder, seething and reeling, and there they will remain. Not everyone needs to know every thought I have. I mean, they are MY thoughts after all. Most of the time there is not an issue with sharing them, other times, well, not even I should know my own thoughts.

Moving on. It's been a summer of epic proportions. I blogged about what happened earlier in the summer. So let me catch you up. My epic vacation ended less than epic, and we have been home ever since. My epic divorce is slowly creeping up on me. The beginning of an EPIC school year is fast approaching. WOO HOO!!! EPIC ALONE TIME!!!! Yeah, I said it. Hey, you try raising 3 ADHD kids on your own and tell me you aren't looking forward the start of school. I guarantee you, you will feel the same way as I do.

As we approach this epic school year, the remainder of the year will be full of epic changes. Obviously, as stated several times, I will be getting divorced. We will have family in town for the first time ever on Thanksgiving (I am SUPER looking forward to this.). We will be making another trip to Oklahoma to visit for the holidays and gather the eldest child's paternal influence and guide him back here. Yep. He's moving here. He wants to spend as much time as possible with his daughter, and that, I find truly admirable.

I just had an epiphany for my New Years Eve post. But, that, my friends and readers is 4 months and 18 days in the future. Better get started on that EPIC post now.

Short post for tonight. Just wanted to get some shit out of my brain. There you have it.

Later Taters!

~Lou~

Update on Epic '13

Amidst all of the stress, the confusion and the emotional roller coaster I have been through in the last year, I was determined to make 2013 epic. And epic it has been. Epic fights, epic reunions, epic road trips, epic hospital stays, an epic divorce pending, and an epic new beginning. Let's ponder this a moment. I still have 5 months of epicness to come! I wonder how much more epic I can add to my epicness.

To start at the beginning. I started my year off with epic hopes that my life was taking a turn for the better. I quickly realized that the epic lies were just the beginning of the epic demise. HAHA, did you like that poetry there? I took an epic leap of faith back to my past. I waited for a response for months. In those months, I had a great and painful spring. I uncovered the epic lies, was told half truths of not such epicness, and fought tooth and nail for a marriage that I believed in. I got ink (LOVE INK), I went to an amazing cemetery, sampled new cuisine, and flaunted my awesomeness around town, and renewed an epic friendship. I received a response from my leap of faith, and it nearly sent me into a tailspin. There were thousands of what if's, how can I's, and where do I go with this now's.

Background: Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit! I had just graduated high school and met this guy. He was in the navy. We fell in love. We had a crazy romance. He got out of the navy. He went home....far, far away from me. A couple months later, I was home with him. His family became my family in the blink of an eye. Still, I was young.....super young. I missed my family. I missed my home. I was literally home sick. I cried, a lot. Well, the rentals decided that I was in desperate need of coming home. They surprised me. They came to get me. Home for Christmas! YAY! I can go back after Christmas. Well, yeah, that didn't happen. I got a job at a travel agency. I had already been to school for that. Had my license. We (he and I) hadn't spoken in quite a few months. I was moved into an apartment, had a roommate, and was moving on. I decided one night to call my best friend out there where he lives. I hadn't talked to her in so long, and I missed her. I called. Apparently he was there watching the kids, and answered the phone. I was dumbstruck. I cried, he told me not to cry. We started talking again. He came out to live with me back home. We made it about a month and a half. He went home. SURPRISE! I was gonna have a baby. I don't really remember what actually happened, somehow he and I stopped talking, spoke once after the eldest was born and never spoke again.

That is until......May 28, 2013. I finally got a response to the feelers I sent out there and May 28^th was the day that I contacted him. You see, his daughter wanted to know him. Ok. I bit the bullet. Now I am waiting for the explosion. Much to my surprise, and delight, there was no explosion. None at all. I was incredibly happy with the outcome. I began planning an epic summer road trip for the eldest to meet her family.

Soon after the epic leap of faith response moment came the epic fight. The epic moment of go away, no more, I'm done. It apparently was an epic cleansing for both of us involved. Just so you know the epic fight was not with the epic leap of faith. Sometimes people grow apart, sometimes friendship just fades away, and sometimes friends can't handle what is happening in your life. They think they can, but in reality, it's just too much to take in. Sometimes, their hearts are in the right place, but, it's really not what you need or want to hear at the moment. Sometimes, opinions can be the death of something that once was great. You know? I am a firm believer that everyone comes into your life for some reason. I know the reason. I appreciate the reason and I will treasure the lessons learned and the memories made. That is all I am going to talk about that. Moving on.

Summer 2013: Now, I realize that I still have an ENTIRE MONTH left in the summer. So far, it has been so amazing, and wonderful and beautiful I just have to share it with you. June was half way filled with the end to another school year. I am proud to report that I have a rising 9^th, 3^rd and 2^nd grader. Pretty sure I said that in a previous blog, but, whatever, still proud, still gloating. I made a few trips to the Bestie's house. I had another one planned, but my gall bladder had different ideas. If you skipped that blog......well.....piss on you. You don't deserve to know about it anyway. I recuperated just enough to still make my trip out west. Far, far out west. Oh, what the hell. I went to Oklahoma. (Yeah, just so you know, I have people there.) I started off my trip with a pit stop at the Bestie's house so that the littles could run off their energy and not drive me batty all the way to Arkansas. We stayed a couple hours and hit the highway. We made it to our destination around 9:30 pm, slept for the night, well the kiddos did, me? Not so much. We got up in the morning early, had our breakfast and headed in to visit with friends and family. We made it out of there around noon thirty-ish and were absolutely, 100% Oklahoma bound! I had many texts and phone calls asking where we were, if we had arrived yet, what time we thought we would be there, etc, etc. Arrival time: 6:30ish. HOLY SHIT BALLS. After 16 years of not seeing his sister, she ran to me with open arms and hugged me so tight. It was amazing. He was standing across the parking lot with a smile on his face that I hadn't seen in 15 years. 15 years people. 15 years of not seeing this man. My eldest daughter was hugging her Aunt. When she finished, I walked her over to meet her Father for the first time in her life. She stood there, I stood there and waited for her to hug him, well, she didn't budge, so, I took my chance to get a hug that I haven't had in so long. It was forgiveness and a new found respect for both of us. For either of us to get over the pain and anger from all those years is quite the miracle, in and of itself. God works in mysterious ways. God also has a way of healing wounds that you think can never be healed. Long story shorter than it could be, with probably more detail than you need, I was reunited with a family that I was sure wanted nothing to do with me, friends that I thought would despise me, new family members that welcomed me with open arms, and introduced to a niece that I absolutely adore. My eldest is happy. She sees where she came from, and appreciates the love that she is given. She knows she is loved and wanted, and the healing has begun for her. Thank you Jesus. We stayed longer than we had originally planned, which was great. It gave us more time. It gave us a few more days to be with family. We headed back to the East Coast. It was sad, but, I was determined not to cry. I know we will be back. Actually, planning on heading back that way come Christmas. Provided that the epic divorce leaves me being able to deliver children to their fathers for holidays. There is so much to this story that everyone SHOULD know, but, unfortunately CAN'T know until the timing is right.

I arrived back at the Bestie's house and have been here since. Headed home in the next couple days. Gotta love on my fur babies. We have been crafting and singing and laughing and having a grand time. Can't wait to finish out our vacation with a bang!

Later taters!

Continuing the #epic13 in true Lou fashion!

~Lou~

The ER, The Hospital and Me

Sunday evening I enjoyed a lovely Ruben sandwich from Arby's. While my mouth enjoyed it, my stomach revolted. I got the worst, and I do mean the WORST stomach ache of my entire life. That shit started in the top right part of my abdomen and wrapped all the way around my body. I determined that it must mean that I had some KILLER gas building up, so, I went to bed at around 11pm, an hour after it started. At 12:30 I woke up in excruciating pain. I got up, went to the bathroom. No luck. No relief. No ending to the pain. Standing, sitting, crouching, laying down, curling in a ball...nothing worked. This went on for about an hour and a half of my position changing and pleading with God to make it stop and I would go to the doctor first thing in the morning. I would do anything to not have to go to the ER. ANYTHING. Finally, I hear my own voice repeating what I had said just a week before to a dear friend.... “You really need to go to the ER. If it is your Gall Bladder, it could explode and it could kill you.” So, up I get, grab my shit and wake the eldest daughter to notify her of my impending trip to the nearest emergency department.

Eldest shoots up like a rocket demanding to know exactly what is wrong, and when I will be home and what they are going to do. All questions I can not answer for her. I hopped in Shoshanna and basically screamed the entire drive to the hospital. I get in. Sign paperwork with some kind of unknown signature, because it was NOT my handwriting coming from my hand (thinking some kind of demon possession was happening at that point.).

Triage Nurse: Adorable guy. Asked me if I was ready to hate him. I said “Why would I hate you?” Then I realize. He's gonna push on my stomach. BASTARD. You cute BASTARD. Pushing on my fat gut and nearly causing me to punch you in your adorable face for causing me so much pain. HOWEVER, he gives this crooked little smirk and says “What did you eat for dinner?” I replied with my dinner, and, again, with the crooked smirk “That's a common culprit.” WHAT?? He walks me to the back yammering on about how my Gall Bladder is pissed. They are going to want a urine sample, some blood, start an IV, probably do an ultrasound, administer some pain meds, and probably keep me here a few days so they can take that bitch out. WHAT??? No, no, no, you don't understand. I am a single mom. 3 kids. No time for surgery. I was told that unless I want to suffer like this repeatedly, I should just do what they say and suck it up. Ok. Whatever. Let's see what the doc has to say.

Doc comes right in. I think you have an issue with your Gall Bladder. I'm going to order some labs, you need to pee in a cup, and then get some more tests run. I pee in cup. I have another adorable male come in to start my IV and draw my blood. He gets the cath put in, and OOPS, releases the needle too early. Well, well, well, now we have blood shooting all over the room. Blood on my BRAND NEW PAJAMAS. I realize that my blood is THICK, and DARK. Cutie compares it to ketchup. Asks if I would like to try some on my Hot Dog. Yeah, NO THANKS. Carry on, take my blood out of the room, flush my IV and get me rolling on some fluids. Thanks.

I get set up on fluids, labs are rolling and ultrasound comes to get me. After a freaking 45 minute ultrasound of my Gall Bladder, Liver and Kidney, in which I was consistently told “Big breath in and hold.....................................................................................................................and breathe.” I get back to my room. Doc comes right in “Your white blood cell count is slightly elevated, which means if it is your Gall Bladder, it needs to come out. I'm gonna start you on antibiotics, get you pain meds and wait for the ultrasound results.” Nurse comes in, starts IV antibiotics, gives me my first ever dose of Morphine, and I attempt to sleep. Start sending text messages when sleep does not come. It's 4 am. I hear something about Code Silver over the intercom. Make mental note of this Code Silver and decide that research will be done later to determine what exactly this means.

Let me go back to the Morphine for a minute. First of all, AMAZING pain killer. AMAZING. Second of all OUCH MOTHER FUCKER. That shit HURTS when it hits. Because it hits like a ton of bricks. But, Morphine and I have become fast friends. It actually kills my pain, unlike the Ultram that they are giving me. That ain't shit. It doesn't even touch my pain. Ok, I guess it does touch it. It takes the edge off, but it doesn't kill the pain. Well, it is what it is, and I take what I am offered. Because, let's be honest, edge off is better than no edge off, RIGHT?

Doc comes in and tells me that my GB is full of stones and that it is inflamed. She says she is going right now to call the surgeon and see what he wants to do. She comes right back, says they are admitting me and surgery will be scheduled. YAY.....just what I wanted to hear. So, at 5:30 in the morning, I sit in the ER waiting on a room to be ready for me. By 7:30, I am headed up to my room.

Surgeon enters room. Tall, very handsome older gentleman comes in and draws a lovely diagram of what the problem is and explains that he can not do the surgery today that it will have to be done tomorrow and that his scheduler is going to make the appointment and let me know when I will be going under. So, I spend the day and night in the hospital. Barely sleeping. Getting pumped full of Cipro, Zofran, Pepcid, Heprin, Morphine and Tramadol. Because of the crazy ass bitch down the hall. OMG. This is a story all it's own.

Let me start at the beginning. First of all, I have had really good nurses. I mean REALLY GOOD NURSES. They have, for the most part been right on top of my pain meds, and everything I have asked for. So, that afternoon, when I called 3 times over the course of an hour and a half for pain meds and no nurse arrived. I was quite irritated. She finally came in and I asked her if she had my Morphine, and she looked at me like I had 12 heads because guess what? NO ONE FUCKING TOLD HER I WAS ASKING FOR PAIN MEDS FOR AN HOUR AND A FUCKING HALF. Whatever. I know who it was too, and that bitch better stay the fuck away from me the rest of the time I am here. I'll rip her damn face off. (Haven't seen hide nor hair of her ass since that day either.)

ANYWAY, it turns out that for the 45 minutes prior to my nurse arriving in my room, she spent with my neighbor.....2 doors down. Apparently this woman is needy. Not just needy, she is beyond needy. She is the epitomy of needy. In her necessitous state, she has managed to throw every other patient on the floor off schedule with their meds and other important things. Now, I have heard this incessant dinging the entire time I have been on the 4^th floor. It was not until the night nurse came in and flat out told me that it was HER. The freaking lady 2 doors down from me. CONSTANTLY ringing for the nurse. CONSTANTLY yelling “HELP ME”. Now, ordinarially, this would bother me, and I would feel badly for the person in such pain. But, since I had been on this floor for over 12 hours and all I have heard from Ms. Indigent down the hall is DING FUCKING DING FUCKING DING AND HELP ME, I am really over her shit. I finally looked at my night nurse, who was amazing by the way, and told her I was about to get up, walk down there tell her to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THROW SOMETHING AT HER. She was really pissing me off, because, honestly, I was having to wait at a minimum of 30 minutes past my pain medication time, which just means it takes that much longer to get it back under control. So, lady down the hall, officially on my shit list.

I managed to blow my IV that they placed in the ER, so, my awesome night nurse changed that out for me. She was pretty damn good at it too. No blood everywhere, no major mishaps, it worked seamlessly. She did a great job, made me happy, and I was pain free again thanks to the Morphine she so graciously pushed right up in my IV. :) I was told that they would be coming to take me to surgery between 9 and 9:30 the next morning, so, I tried to sleep. TRIED. Not with all the fucking DINGING from down the damn hall. BITCH.

The next morning (Tuesday) I met my new day nurse team, and they started to prep me for going down to surgery. They pumped me full of my daily and twice daily and multiple times daily meds, cleaned me up, changed me, and just as I was going potty, I hear.... “OMG, they are here!” Well, they came up to get me at 7:45. WHAT THE HELL? They said between 9 and 9:30. Holy Canoli. Ok, here we go. Down to pre-op. I sit down there in the super uncomfortable, yet lovely shade of purple gown made of plastic and paper. Doc came in, Anesthesiologist came in, Anesthesiologist's Nurse came in, Doc's Nurse came in. They start rolling me back to the OR. Anesthesiologist Nurse pushed something to relax me into my IV. Yep. Anesthesiologist comes over and says “Hi!” I remember nothing else until I was in recovery. They were asking me how I felt. I'm thinking to myself..... “Really? You want to know how I feel?? I feel like someone has just beaten the shit out of my stomach, that's how I feel.” yet, the small, simple words “It hurts.” were what came from my lips. SO, Fentanyl was pushed repeatedly into my IV. Then Toradal was pushed in rapid succession. I was sleeping, clearly, because I had supurb amounts of drugs running through my veins. Well, the recovery nurse starts yelling at me about breathing. What the hell? I'm SLEEPING FOOL!!!! I am NOT worried about breathing right now. GEEZ. She continued to holler about taking big deep breaths and eventually just threw oxygen on me. I was totally out of it. I didn't want to hear her voice, I wanted to sleep. That's all. Just sleep. Fucking shut up about breathing. I don't care. I'm sleeping nurse loud mouth.

I finally get back to my room, greeted by both of my nurses for the day. Wonderful women, they were. I saw that my Dad was sitting in the chair in my room waiting for me. He said the Doc came out to the waiting room and recapped the surgery. Said the GB was PISSED. Inflamed, full of stones and just overall nasty. Then he told my Dad that I have a hernia. WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY? Did he fix it? NO. No he didn't. He said that he was more worried about getting that GB out and taking care of that issue first. So, now, I will have to come back to have another surgery for a hernia. I'm waiting until after the first of the year for that bitch to get done. Not trying to do that shit any time soon. Dad said that the Doctor had come up to my room to see me and I still wasn't there. He thought I would only be in recovery for 45 minutes, but, I was actually there for 2 hours. Poor Dad. But, he waited. And made sure I was ok, and then went home to rest. Bless him.

I stayed drugged up the rest of the day, alternating Morphine and Tramadol. Don't remember too much until night shift change when I got an AMAZING nurse again. This girl was a kindred spirit. A soul that is dealing with almost the very same situation as I am, and hers started 3 days after mine. Fate brought us together to have a most lovely bond, and beautiful night sharing our stories. I was supposed to have her back tonight, but she called out. :( BOO HISS ON HER. It's all good though. I don't rightly blame her. The bitch down the hall is enough to make every nurse here call out every fucking day until she leaves! (Side note: Code Silver called twice this day, and a Code Red.)

Morning came and I got my awesomesauce nurse back again. She and I cackled all through the day. Discussing farts, crazy ass retarded tape that wouldn't rip right, burps, poop, diets, you know, regular conversation between nurse and patient. She made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to bust open all my incisions. Seriously, she ran into the door and forgot to push the button, so all I hear is a THUD on my door. She also had a fight with the tape for my IV, and the tape nearly won, again, hysterical laughter. Thankfully, I didn't bust open any incisions. She assaulted my thigh because I had this great idea that a Heprin shot in my thigh would be so much better than in my stomach. She accomadated my wild thought, and now I sport a lovely bruise on my thigh from that shot. She giggled later and said, “Well, you said it would be better in your thigh than in your stomach.” I was not so amused. I thought that she should have warned me that I would have a nasty ass ugly bruise from that shit. Maybe she did. Maybe I was too drugged to remember. Sadly, she was off the rest of my stay. I said my farewell to her and wished her a happy few days off. (Code Silver called once this day.)

Night nurse. I think she does not like me very much. She doesn't get my sense of humor. I'mma need night nurse from the first night to come in and give her a reality check and inform her of my awesomness. Because, clearly, she missed the memo. All the other nurses on the floor love me, what is her issue? Whatever, she wants me to walk more. I don't want to. My stomach swells up and I look about 7 months pregnant by the time I am done walking. Fuck that noise dude. It HURTS too. I need her to pump me full of Morphine and Dilaudid. I don't need to be questioned. Thanks though. I walked, to make her happy, and came back bloated and miserable. Proved my point, got my Pepcid, Cipro IV, Zofran, shot of Heprin, and went to bed. Passed out. I slept a whole 4 and a half hours! WOOHOO!! It was amazing. She came in around 5:30 after I called for pain meds and said that I must have done ok during the night since she didn't hear anything from me. Whatever, yeah, 4 and a half hours I was ok. That must be record breaking. (Code Silver called once this night.)

New day nurse. Cute as a button. Sweet as can be. Hooked me up to the dreaded Cipro, gave me some Morphine, Zofran, Pepcid, and another shot of mother fucking Heprin. Heat pack applied to IV site to prevent the pain from the Cipro (that shit hurts too), and a painful venture to the bathroom. Oh yeah, did I manage to tell you all that they are making me pee in some kind of contraption to measure my urine? Yeah, been doing that stupid shit since I got here. Whatever. If it makes them happy, good. The Doc came in to see me and decided that I should be taking 2 Dilaudid and a Motrin for my pain. Ok, let's try that. Yeah, not so much. Got the painful IV removed. Cried most of the afternoon because I am so sore and hurt and bitchy. Napped. Got my discharge information, and now I sit, waiting for my 5:45 dose of Dilaudid and for my parents to pick me up at 6. Yay. I have 8,000 restrictions on me. Not happy. Whatever. So, my amazing and awesome trip to Oklahoma will result in NO swimming for me. :( Not happy. Super sad. It's ok though, I am sure they will entertain me in other ways. No pushing, pulling or lifting over 10 pounds for 6 freaking weeks. Great. It's ok, I got this. I can do this. Because I am amazing, and awesome. (Code Silver called once this day. Level 1 Trauma came into the hospital as well. I know because they announced it over the loud speaker for the entire hospital to hear.)

CODE SILVER: Unruly, dangerous patient. Apparently, we have a lot of those here in this hospital.

CODE RED: FIRE. WTF? Glad I didn't burn to death.

Well, it's been an adventure. Apparently one I will likely experience again, just with a hernia this time instead of the GB. Farewell dear Gall Bladder from hell. I would say you will be missed, but, hey, not really. I'm glad your cranky ass is gone. I haven't shit since you left me. That in and of itself is a small miracle. Ok, it's probably all the narcotics I am on, but, I'm gonna go with the GB was messing my stomach up so bad. Yeah. Because it's easier to blame it on that than to admit that the beloved narcotics are jacking me up.

For now, I am going to rest. So, now you know my story. I hope it was entertaining. Oh, and here are some pictures for you.

Sweet note from the Eldest Child and the Littlest Little.

Sweet note from the Littlest Little, Boy Child and Niece :)

First IV placed in ER.

Oil change anyone?

AWWW, a welcome basket :)

My surgeon's awesome artwork diagram for me. :D

Someone fucked this fork up. For Serious. Think it out for a minute. Me, seriously drugged up. Trying to eat with this fork. Think about it....LAUGH....resume.

Heprin bruise.

I think this IV is DONE. 

Yeah, it's gross.

 

LOOK! PREENER!! Dolphin on stick.

Happy 4^th!

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 30: Favorite Comfort Food

So, I realize that I missed my last day of June blog. So sorry. I got ill. I mean ILL. So very ill that I wound up in the ER and in surgery this morning for it. You see, there is this little asshole thing in your body called a Gall Bladder. Well, mine decided to fill up with stones, block my duct and then proceed to become severely inflamed and slightly infected. With that being said. I am going to catch you up on the last day of blogging and then fill you in on my hospital adventures.

My favorite comfort food. Well, seeing as how I am now eating HOSPITAL food, which happens to be quite delicious believe it or not, I will share with you that a good homemade macaroni and cheese, or fried chicken or homemade mashed potatoes, or Kim's dressing and Richard's fried Turkey (which I only get at Thanksgiving). It's just delish. Amazing. Give me any of those things, and I am one happy camper.

Ok, I am off to start this major hospital adventure blog.

Love to you all. Well, most of you. You know, the ones that aren't stalking me just to piss me off. Yep, called you out again. Hope you are enjoying your 15 minutes of fame Homewrecker!

~Lou~

Blog Challenge: Day 29: Top Things On My Bucket List

Bucket, bucket, bucket list. Ok, this is gonna be a LONG ass post, so, I hope you are ready for it. My bucket list is long. I want to do so much before I kick it. I can't pick just the top items on the list, so, I thought I would grace you all with my ENTIRE bucket list. I doubt I will get to accomplish a lot of it, but, it's on the list, so if I do, YAY for me!

Let's get down to business. Starting with the most attainable things on the list first.

• See the Texas Bluebonnets. Photograph them. Be happy.
• Put together a family cookbook. Started on this once, need to restart. Somehow I lost the notebook that had all my shit in it. Damnit.
• Make a crochet granny square blanket.
• Knit myself a pair of socks. Might take the rest of my life, but, hopefully I will accomplish this one day!
• Vacation in Gatlinburg, TN. It's beautiful there.
• Make bath salts. Not the kind that make you crazy, the kind you actually soak your body in.
• Start and continue a gratitude journal.
• Keep a daily journal for at least one year.
• Can foods. All kinds. Master the art.
• Figure out how to mold my children into amazing adults.
• Do a photo a day for a entire year.
• Stay just one night at the Ritz Carlton. Just to experience it.
• Go to the Bonaventure Cemetary in Savannah, Georgia.
• Take time to photograph the Bell Gable in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
• See the big Jesus and the Thorncrown Chapel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas.
• See the Proxy Falls and Multnoma Falls in Oregon.
• Have a love that lasts a lifetime. A love that actually follows vows. A love that is REAL.
• Watch my babies get married, and start lives of their own.
• Have grandbabies. Love them. Play with them. Laugh at them.
• Live on my family compound. (That comes with a whole bucket list of it's own.)

Now, on to the hopes and dreams. Because let's be honest, it's gonna cost a LOT of money for me to actually make these things attainable.

• Trampoline bridge in France. Why? Because I would LOVE to pee my pants while crossing a trampoline bridge over a river in France. That's why.
• Visit Jerusalem. Walk where Jesus walked. (I went to Memphis and walked where Elvis walked. I stood in the studio he recorded in. I got chills. It was amazing. I can't imagine how much more amazing it would be to experience where Jesus was.)
• Go to Germany. EAT. DRINK. Be merry.
• Go to Greece. Eat some more and take some AMAZING photos.
• Go to England. Visit London, where my Daddy was born.
• Head over to Whales while I'm there. Rumor has it, we have some family roots in Whales.
• Tour Scotland. Because it's pretty.
• Visit the Fairy Pools in Isle of Skye, Scotland while I am there.
• Tour Ireland. Because it's pretty too. And I want to dance naked under the full moon with the fairies. (If you have to ask, clearly, you don't get it.)
• Find some of the most amazing castles and ruins in Europe and photograph them. For my own personal happiness.
• See the pink lake in Australia.
• Go to the Glass Beach in Hawaii.
• Visit the Crimson Forrest in Poland. Just because it's gorgeous!!!
• Go on an Alaskan Cruise. See the Northern Lights. Just once.

There you have it. The beginnings of my bucket list. Maybe one day will cheerfully announce that I have accomplished EVERYTHING on my list. I'm gonna plan for that.

Shoot for the moon and I will at least land among the stars, RIGHT? Right. I thought you would see it my way.

Off to survive the rest of my Saturday.

Love, hugs and smooches....to most of you.

~Lou~