Let me start by saying
this. This is now the 3rd year of Black Friday extravaganza. I went
in with HIGH expectations.
With no hubby or bestie to tag along, I took the eldest with me. She wanted to
go so bad last year. This year, I caved, and allowed her to go. At Thanksgiving
Dinner, I desperately tried to convince my sister and sister-in-law to come
with me. They hummed and hawed and said “Maybe.” I was uber sad, at this point,
I just knew it would be just me and the eldest. (Which is fine, I love her, we
have FUN together. I wanted to share the excitement and JOY of Black Friday
with others this year. My feeble attempts were just that, feeble.)
Well, my night started
out with a trip to Michael’s. They were open on Thanksgiving! YES! SCORE! Got
in, got my stuff, got out. Done, before 7:30 pm. NICE.
I dropped the littles off
with my parents and headed out to wait in the Target parking lot. NOT the line.
I refuse to stand in lines. I got a text message from my sister….They were in!
They wanted me to pick them up and take them with me to the Target! YES!
AMAZING! More people to witness the Stealthy Ninja Moves (which shall be
referred to as SNM henceforth). More people to share in the excitement of Black
Friday, the thrill of getting what you are looking for, the awesomesauce of
beating someone to the LAST ONE with your SNM ability. YES! Onward we travel to
the Target.
Upon arrival to Target, I
inform the girls that we shall remain seated until the ride at the front of the
store came to a complete stop. They did NOT listen. Out we get, on to the front
of the store we trek. GAH, it’s COLD. Not liking this. People are dumb. People
are assholes. What is happening to my favorite shopping holiday of the year?!?!
30 minutes later, we get in the store, secure a cart and head out to the
movies. Sister SNM for 3 copies of Brave and 1 of The Lorax. Done. Item #1
marked off list. ME….notice woman standing in front of DVD that we needed 4 of….SNM
last 4 copies of said DVD that we needed to complete DVD list. I’m awesome, I
know. Told that woman to get out of my way, I needed to get there. She
listened, lucky for her. Onward to games. Got all the games on our list except
Would You Rather….I hauled ass to the CD’s to get what I needed there SNM for
LAST copy of one I needed, eldest hauled ass to the accessories department to
attempt a SNM, they did not have the needed item for SNM, and consequently she
got her feet trampled on, sister and sister-in-law head to games to SNM the
Would You Rather game for me. SCORE! Ninja’d through the aisles to the
Housewares Department. Ninja’d a NINJA for my kitchen…haha, I know, the irony
here is incredible. Ninja’d the last NINJA for a fellow confused shopper. (Good
deed for the night, DONE…game on, all’s fair in BF shopping.) Got the other
item in Housewares that I needed, and all 4 of us began searching desperately
for the single serve coffee maker for $8. They had the toaster, but none of the
other items were there. WHAT? Seek out Target Employee, IMMEDIATELY. This can
NOT be happening. That was the ONE thing I desperately wanted. Stood there for
about 45 minutes waiting for stupid Target Employee to come back and tell me
they NEVER HAD THEM IN THE STORE. Bastards. Thanks. Sister, sister-in-law and
eldest were seeking out clothing that they wanted. Found them. Got something
awesome, some gloves and some towels and we headed to the enormous checkout
line. 5 people cut in front of us. I got pissed, sister said “Let it go.” Ok,
let it go. Snaking around store and through aisles, eldest points out
toothpaste….sister-in-law…”Oh, do we need some toothpaste?” sister….”OMG!” It
was ONE crayon bucket that someone discarded amongst the toothpaste. SCORE for
sis! While snaking an aisle, I accidentally bumped into the guy in front of me
that had just blatently cut me in line. Now, this really was an accident, I
didn’t mean to. So, sister-in-law says “Karma.” I say….”That’s not just Karma,
that’s the Jesus Karma.” 30 minutes later, checked out, packed up in car,
headed back to sister’s house for the drop off. Said farewell to sister and
sister-in-law and headed to…..THE MALL.
(Insert dunh, dunh, dunh music here.)
At this point, eldest and
I are starving. We decided to stop by the Walmart since we knew the Subway was
open due to the fact that my cousin told me she had to work there that night.
Walmart parkinglot…..zen. Got a spot 3 from the front. Really? Amazing. Cousin
no-where to be seen, ordered sub, took it to the mall parking lot. 11:35 pm.
Ate sub. 11:45 pm, got to mall doors and headed in with the masses. Go to Game
Stop for 2 stylus’ and a computer game for eldest. Standing in line. Eldest
went to Hot Topic to get the shirts she wanted and was instructed to stay there
until I arrived. Weird person comes up to me and starts staring at me. Uh,
yes?? OMG, it’s ok, it’s my cousin. She’s amazing. She and her boyfriend came
to hang out with us while we BF shopped in the mall. She hung with me in line,
then went with me to Hot Topic to meet eldest and pay for shirts after standing
in line FOREVER. After setting off the alarm at Hot Topic like 15 times, they
finally found that they had not taken the security tag off of not just 1, but 2
of the shirts. GAH! Carrying on with my night. “Body Central”, says cousin….”What?
Why?” “Yoga Pants” “MOM! They have YOGA PANTS! We’re going…NOW.” Cousin and
boyfriend tell me to follow their crazy crowd cutting abilities….first of all,
I need to tell you that my cousin is TINY, SUPER TINY, her boyfriend? SUPER
TALL and thin…..Me? Average height, big ass, hips, thighs, NOT able to crazy
crowd cut like them. Whatever, made it to Body Central, got the yoga pants and
waited in ANOTHER line. While waiting, we made fun of the gaudy jewelry that
they had and dubbed my cousin CLEO. It was a “you had to be there” moment. Once done with the line, we bid farewell to
Cleo and her boyfriend and headed home for a couple hours of sleep before the
big 5 AM sales.
7:33 AM: SHIT! Overslept,
didn’t hear alarm. Got up, RAN out the door, still in jammies, and headed to
Joann’s. They had NOTHING that I wanted, and no place where it would have been.
JACKASSES. McDonalds was calling my name for breakfast and coffee. Stop! Food
and caffeine. Necessities in life. Scarfed down my breakfast sandwich, chocked
on possibly the worst cup of coffee in history, and headed to AC Moore. Scored
everything I went for and then some. It was awesome. Went in to Books A Million
and scored some pretty awesome stuff there. Got REAL coffee, and headed to
Office Max in hopes of not having a repeat Amethyst moment from last year that
you can read about HERE. Walk in, looking at laptops, guy asks what I am
looking for. He goes and checks it out, and then comes back and says “You know,
any laptop under $500 is really for a grandma, right? If you want to do
anything other than surf the web, and check your email, you aren’t gonna do it
on one of THOSE grandma computers.” Really? That’s where you are gonna go with
that NOW? At 9 in the morning? Are you KIDDING ME? I told him I would think
about it and got about 5 steps away and told eldest we were LEAVING, that such
a bastard would get NO business from me. Calling me a grandma, hunh? Fuck you
Mr. Office Max man, Fuck you. Back to the mall. At least they are polite there.
JC Penny….I’m after you, and your buttons.
We arrived at the mall
and found a parking spot no problem. Went into the JCP, and proceeded to get
the jeans that eldest wanted. All they had left were her size! SCORE! Went to
my section, I got a couple pairs of pants and then we headed to the shoes. Wow,
look at this….here’s another pair of jeans for you eldest daughter…..just your
size, a color you don’t have. Fate. I wanted to check out some of the purse
deals they had. Well, all the Liz Claiborne bags they had listed for $15 were
GONE. Bummer. I wanted one. They are cute! Look:
Along with 5 other
people, we were combing the purse section looking for the elusive bag. None.
Carry on…..walked past a mannequin……OH LOOK! There’s the bag. I’ll take that!
Thank you! Walked around some more and found ANOTHER ONE! I’ll take that one
too! Too bad SUCKERS! You obviously lack my SNM skill. Maybe you should find a
good BF shopping buddy who possesses the SNM. Snagged the last Nicole Miller
bag for $25, which is SWEET! We got in line, grabbed a cute sweater for me, and
got our buttons. Won NOTHING. Whatever. I’ll be back for more buttons bitches.
We ventured out into the
mall to get to Justice for some hair mascara for the little. Wound up finding
some pretty sweet clothes for her that were 40% off with another 40% off and
another 20% off of THAT! Nice deal. Wandered down to Build A Bear Workshop and
snagged $5 full size snowmen for the littles and the eldest. Then left the
mall.
We went to Kmart in
search of Doc McStuffins doctor kit. Sold out. Kmart whores bought them all.
Ok, no biggie, SNM the LAST vanity they had for the baby girl. Checked out and
headed to store all items at sister’s house. She’s amazing and awesome, and
took one of my Liz bags, it’s ok. I like her enough to share. Sister-in-law was
pretty pissed that there weren’t 3. Sorry, I only found 2 with my SNM
capabilities. I would have bought all they had if they had more. They are
really that cool.
So wraps up my BF
adventure. I managed to get everything I need with the exception of a gift for
my grandfather and a couple of things for the little man. That’s no biggie
though, none of that was on BF sale.
How was YOUR BF? Did you
achieve greatness? I did. I feel pretty damn good about my SNM self.
Til next bloggity blog.
~Lou~
