Give Up? No Way.

Amidst all of the laughter, and joy, and hilarity, the underlying me is dying. You see, I can pretend. I can act. I can make you think everything is fine until my body, mind and soul just can't take it anymore. Life is not fair. Life sucks. It doesn't work out the way you picture it. Ever. Things happen, people change and turn into things and beings you never expected them to. LIFE SUCKS.

My main reason for writing is mostly about my lesson for 2013. My 35th birthday cathartic moment. LET GO.

This is the hardest thing God has ever asked me to do. This has been my hardest lesson yet. You see, the Devil and his Demons are attacking me and my family. God is testing me. God is teaching me to LET GO. It is painful. It hurts to the core. I ache and I want to just lay down and die. I want to fight back with those who are doing these things to me. I want to hold onto all of it. I want to scream and punch and FIX the problems. I realize God is telling me "Let it go. I got this. Trust ME. Allow me to show you my work." I am trying, God, I really am. I even got it tattooed on my body to see it every day and remind myself that you got this.
So, I am letting go, letting God and trusting in his perfect plan.

Now, before you, the enemy, think you have won, let me tell you this: Letting go does NOT mean giving up. There is a difference. I will NEVER give up. I will never stop believing that my God is a just and true God.

Jesus Karma SUCKS......just thought I should give you the heads up.

Playing with fire never ends well. Ever. You always get burned in the end. Wisen up, see what is happening. You may think you have control and that you are holding everything. Well, you are wrong. God holds everything and he will RESTORE what has been broken. He will heal what has been wounded. You will reap what you have sewn. The fruits of your labor shall not prosper. I speak this truth KNOWING that my God will deliver us from the evil that is being done. My God is the most powerful being, and he WILL save us from this. He WILL RESTORE. He WILL HEAL. He HAS promised me a future full of hope and things to help, not harm me.

Good luck in your endeavors. May you find what you are looking for. May you live a life worthy of everything you are.

Now, stop stalking my blog. Stop stalking my Facebook. Aren't you already in enough trouble over that already? Clearly, you still have some lessons to learn.

KISSES

~Lou~

I will NEVER give up. TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES.

The Adventures of the Bad Ass Bitches....April 2013

So, as promised, here it is, the big reveal, the Holy Grail of blogs. Take a potty break, grab a beverage and a snack, you will be here a while.

The Bestie Banana and I decided that we needed to plan a time for her to come out and spend a week with me. Yes, a week, a wonderful, glorious, hilarity filled, epic week of epicness. So, we did it. We planned, and we planned and we planned and we planned.

Finally, the day of arrival came.....I was stupidly excited. So, off to the station to pick up the Banana. I finally got her, 30 minutes late because her STUPID TRAIN was late. But, that is HER story to tell, which you can read about HERE. So, I get her into the truck and we head home. On the way, I hear all about her adventures on the train. Which were plentiful. We stopped to get some dinner because she was starving slap to death. OK, Hardee's, yeah, it sounds good. Inside the Hardee's....apparently, I have brought her to the ONE Hardee's in Virginia Beach that the homeless people call home. What the hell is happening right now? This chick has moved into the Hardee's. She had all her stuff organized on the table that she was conveniently SLEEPING ON. Yeah, you read that right, SLEEPING ON. 

Not only was there the homeless lady, then there was the old homeless man that fell asleep drinking his coffee and was DROOLING on himself. The Hardee's employees, just mopped around them. Not one care in the world that the HOMELESS PEOPLE WERE LIVING IN THE HARDEE'S. One hour in Virginia Beach, already an event to remember.

We managed to remove ourselves from the Homeless Hardee's unscathed, slightly emotionally scarred, but, physically, we were OK. Off to pick up the heathen children. Banana enjoyed talking with the parental units for a few minutes and then we headed to my house. Day 1, in the books.

DAY 2

I woke Banana as nicely as possible to warn her of the impending hellish experience, which is getting my children up for school. I got her up like this: "Banana. Ba-nan-a." "What?" "All hell is about to break loose." "Why?" "I am about to get my kids up for school." "Oh. Ok. Already?" "Yes." I managed to get her and the children up, and filed the children off to school. First stop...WaWa. Oh coffee, you know how I love you. Breakfast was at Citrus, a lovely, local restaurant that was featured on Diners Drive Ins and Dives. After that we went roaming around in some thrift stores and managed to score some pretty sweet shit. While in one of the thrift stores, an associate sneezed....no one blessed her. Well, wrong move, she got PISSED. “HELLO?!?! Isn't ANYONE gonna BLESS ME?” Banana gets this look on her face, I know this look. “I'm paying, right now, let's go.” Before the door can even properly shut behind us, Banana explodes with this: “IF YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR IT, I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S NOT GONNA WORK!” At the next thrift store, we managed to find a black, pleather S&M puppy costume. Banana thought this was just the funniest shit she had ever seen, so, we stood there discussing how badly her girl weenie dog needs this outfit, and how boy weenie dog would be THRILLED with it. 

On our way to our lunch date, Anna managed to introduce me to “Tusk” and belted “Cecelia” at me. It was amusing, and memorable and the highlight of my day.

Next up...lunch, with Kim, my AMAZING sister in law. We begin our lunch by telling her the hilarious adventures in the thrift stores. After laughing hysterically about the S&M puppy, we tell her about the sneezing associate. Her response? Are you ready? No, really? Get ready. “Next time someone sneezes, I am gonna look at them and say 'Go to hell.'” Yeah, that's what she said, so, now, don't be offended if when you sneeze, someone yells out “Go to hell!”, it's love, it really is. Then Banana commenced to tell her train story. The waitress we had was slightly overzealous. OK, MASSIVELY overzealous. I would take about 4 sips of my drink and POOF, there she was to fill my glass and ask if we needed anything else. NO, NO WE DON'T...please go away don't come back. We are TRYING to talk here. So, Kim decides that if she manages to come back to the table again, she is gonna shank her with the butter knife Yep, that's right, a butter knife I love my sister in law.

Home. Minions. Dinner. TV. Bed.

DAY 3

We started our day with coffee and a breakfast sandwich from WaWa, DUH. After that, we went to get pedicures! It was so much fun. First of all, I have to tell you that I have the BEST guy that does my nails, so, when he was available for a pedicure, I was all about it. Unfortunately, nail guy decides that while he is scrubbing all the unattractive dead skin off my feet, he is going to IGNORE the fact that I am literally crying because I am laughing so hard. He has no clue. Banana and her nail girl were watching me, no longer pedicuring, and laughing hysterically at my clear and obvious painful laughter. This is NOT what I expected. So, nail guy decides he is gonna take note of the painful laughter he is inflicting upon me and be done. We finished up our pedicure. While we were drying I got a call from the DH, and was able to chat with him for a few minutes. That made me happy. After the pedicures were dry, we made our way to the truck. I in my flip flops (because I am a GENIUS and wore FLIP FLOPS to get a pedicure), and Banana in her stylish pedicure flops. HAHA, she looked HYSTERICAL. We decided that we should run over to Target and peruse the store. Just to make sure there wasn't anything we needed. We strolled around for a little bit, and then, Banana found it. The most amazing, wonderful, PERFECT best friends necklace, EVER. A rainbow with a star that says BFF and a Unicorn with a star that says BFF. Now, if you know us, you will CLEARLY see the reason that we so desperately needed these necklaces. For those of you losers who don't know us, let me inform you. We are always talking about Rainbows and Unicorns and glittery shit. OK? Got it now? Good. Moving on. Banana says “We so totally need these. I will have to be the Unicorn and you can be the rainbow.” So, I asked Banana “Wait, Unicorns SHIT rainbows, right?” This, was her answer. Are you ready? Are you sure? You may want to take a potty break, cuz this is GOOD. I'll give you a minute to pee. Seriously. Go. (Insert dramatic pause) Banana says “Yeah, you have to be the rainbow, because YOU are the SHIT!” Oh, I totally get it now, totally. Sadly, we left the Target with NO Unicorn and rainbow necklaces. I just don't feel right wearing Unicorn shit on my neck.

So, we come home, get the little's and head out to dinner with my sister and niece. Well, strike me pink. It was a dinner to remember. Laughter through the entire meal, fairly well behaved children, and fortune cookies! YEAH! The best part of the meal. On the back of my fortune for my lesson in Chinese that night was.......BANANA. Yeah, you heard that right. It was banana. So, Banana says, “HEY! That's me! I'mma need to get that tattooed somewhere on my body. That would be awesome until some Chinese person walks up to me and says, 'what does that say?' and I say 'banana', and he says, 'No, that no say Banana.'” Then, my sister pipes up with “Yeah, cuz it probably means Twat Farm.” WHAT did she just SAY? REALLY? Stuff me with the rough end of a pineapple! That was fantastic!!!  Banana's jaw hits table. YES, Twat Farm it is. Epic word. Going in the regular rotation of BananaLou. We managed to get out how she came up with twat farm, and she simply said this: “OMG, I have this book....” (Dangerous words to Banana and Lou.) “One night we were sitting around and had to find a word of the night, and this book, Creative Cursing, is a flip book and you create curse words, and so, twat farm was the word of the night.” By this time, Banana and I are in TEARS. This is getting better and better. Epic trip of epicness. YES. Continuing on. We finished up, said our goodbyes, came home and got ready for bed.

Let me tell you this. Before you decide to invite Banana to your house, I need to tell you some stuff. She is needy. Crazy needy. She sits in my bed, incessantly scratching her legs and whining. “Itchy, itchy, itchy, itchy. REBEL YELL......I'M ITCHY. REBEL YELL, HELP ME. STOP THE ITCHING.” “Here, take some of this. Put some of this on. It puts the lotion on the skin.” Banana sleeping, shortly after.

DAY 4

EPIC DAY OF ALL EPICNESS. TATTOO DAY!!! Yes. First of all, I have the most bad ass tattoo guy EVER. J-Love. (Insert explanation of new name here: I am friends with J-Love on the Facebook. He always, yes, always posts positive and encouraging messages. There is a Christian radio station, Positive and Encouraging K-Love. Therefore, new name for my tattoo genius. Perhaps a good bowl of shit Wheaties for breakfast may change his outlook, but, you know, for now, it works for him, and he always makes me smile, and think, and realize.....Life doesn't suck as bad as I think it does.) He is amazing. For real. I went to see him a week before to tell him what we were wanting and see if he thought he could sketch it up. Well, of course, he did. So, today is the day we get inked!! YAY! Super exciting.

Before we can go get our fresh ink we must be caffeinated Wawa....coffee....elixir of life. Creamer, almost out...Banana uses the end of the creamer (she will try to tell you that I did it, but, SHE did it. She is a pathological liar and you can't ever believe what comes out of her mouth.) I go over to get some coffee, DRIP. Oh great, that's just lovely, one drip of coffee. Guy in suit standing beside Banana says that it is good luck to use the last of the coffee creamer. That bastard was a LIAR. BIG FAT LIAR. This was the start of the Creamer Karma day.

Off we go to our favorite tattoo and piercing studio, Virginia Beach Ink. Banana, being the bad ass that she is, get's her cartilage pierced by Shimp while we are waiting for J-Love to finish preparing for us. The wait was not long. Back we go. We are ready for this! READY. We have spent months planning this day. J-Love says “Who's first?” (Banana, pointing at me) “Me. Let's go.” (I need to tell you that I am getting not just one tattoo, but two, and a touch up. Because I am THAT bad ass. Yeah. I am. True story.) Banana is looking at me “You're gonna cry. YOU are gonna cry. I see it coming. You are all kinds of scared. You crybaby.” I look over and say “I am gonna give you a vocalectomy if you don't shut up.” J-Love looks at me and says “No, punch her in the face, no, in the throat, then she can't talk.” Banana “I will shank you with my leg stubble.”J-Love puts on a tiara in honor of my bad assness, and commences to assaulting my ankle with his evil tattoo machine that I absolutely adore.

About 10 minutes in to my tattoo, Banana starts turning a little green. She says she is not feeling so well and that she is quite nervous. (I am cool, calm and collected.) “I don't think I can do this. I think I might throw up.” “YOU are gonna CRY Banana. YOU are gonna be a wussy girl. YOU are not allowed to chicken out on this. We planned this. We are making this happen.” “I'm not gonna chicken out, I just might throw up, that's all.” “Whatever, weenie.” “Shut up. You date rape drugged me last night and today, my butt hole hurts.” Laughing I say “What? I have no idea what you are talking about.” “YOU. Date. Rape. Drugged. Me. Last. Night.” “I did not. What did you say about your butt hole?” J-Love looks up at this point and says “Well, it's noon, and you didn't say anything about it until now, so, you must have liked it.” “No, I was still under the effects of her date rape drug until this very moment. She did it. She is a bad person. Hurt her.” “I don't hurt girls.” “PHHHHHT. He likes me. He won't hurt me. I am a GOOD customer. YOU are a weenie customer. Talking about barfing and shit. PHHHHHT.”

Banana decides that now would be a good time to start taking pictures of random and amazing things in the shop. I will let her have the glory of showing you those photos with the exception of THIS ONE, which I took, because, let's be honest, it's my favorite and I took it.

While Banana is on her small and very brief photo extravaganza, J-Love is discussing with me grilling steaks and tuna steaks. We talk about how we like our meat cooked. (Go ahead, words are failing me at the moment. Laugh, get it out of your system....Are you good now? OK, let's resume.) Banana pipes up with this “YUCK. Tuna. YUCK. Gross. Hate. Nasty. Smelly. BARF.” I say; “Clearly, you have never had a decent tuna steak, because, they are not fishy and gross and smelly. They are very good.” “But tuna SMELLS.” “Only if it is in a can.” “No, it smells anytime.” J-Love looks up and says: “If it smells bad, don't eat it. That applies to many areas of life.” Tattooing continues and Banana starts telling me that she is way more bad ass than I am and that this will be her FIFTH tattoo, and she has one that covers her ENTIRE back, so, that counts as more. I ask J-Love to look at her back tattoo, and then tell me if her back tattoo is bigger than my back tattoo. J-Love accommodates my crazy request and agrees with me, that mine is way more than hers, and it should count as two. BOOYAH! In your face BANANA. We finished up my ankle, touched up my wrist and did my other wrist tattoo. As J-Love is putting the bandages on my ankle, I nearly fall. Creamer Karma. That's what that shit is. Creamer Karma shall follow me for the rest of the week. I looked like I had been released from a mental hospital and had been put on suicide watch.

Then, it was Banana's turn. Strike Me Pink, what a baby. I can't even believe this. She is all kinds of scared and shaky and green and I really did think she was gonna barf. She says “I'm gonna need some restraints or something.” J-Love looks up and says “You need restraints? I gotta stress ball.” “Has anyone ever thrown up while you are tattooing them?” “Yeah. I also had a guy pass out and pee all over himself.” This is interesting information. File in back of head. NEVER PASS OUT AND PEE MY PANTS WHILE GETTING A TATTOO. So, I, being the awesome and amazing friend that I am try to keep her mind off of it. She, did not appreciate me. She proceeded to yell something at me about “Needles in bone sockets”. I'm not sure what she was talking about, but, OK. I went with it.

Somehow we got on the subject of J-Love needing to order pink gloves for October. I look at him and ask “You are gonna order PINK gloves?” Because, honestly, I am amazed that he is manly enough not only to wear a tiara while tattooing me (which he did NOT wear while tattooing Banana, because, I am way more special), AND he wears pink gloves. He says “Yeah, pink gloves. Breast cancer awareness month. These hands support tata's.”OK, I like it. Do it. Now, I have to go get a tattoo in October, just so I can see if he will wear pink gloves AND a tiara when he tattoos me. Challenge on....J-Love, do you accept? Banana finishes her tattoo WITHOUT crying. (Proud bestie moment.) Somewhere in there J-Love tries to convince Banana that she and Boris (her DH) need to rent a party bus, drive out, let him know when they are coming, and he will have the grill fired up with tuna steaks and we will party and tattoo all day long. I believe this should be a reality. For real. THAT would be AMAZING.

Off we go to Sonic for a cream slush to reward ourselves for our bravery and will to push through and get these tattoos. Oh, and we got one for J-Love too, because he was nice, and amazing, and put up with our shit, and engaged in the awesome epicness, and wore a tiara.

Dinner, don't remember where. Home. Computers. Sleep.

DAY 5

PREENER DAY! YES! Been waiting for this shit all week. Meet amazing, motorcycle riding Preener at the I-Hop for breakfast. We were discussing our tattooing adventure, and I was talking about how my back tattoo is bigger than Banana's back tattoo, and Preener looks up and says “What are we talking about? Who's back boobs are bigger? Cuz, mine are.” “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PREENER?” “Back boobs. That's the topic, right?” “No. But, OK, if that's where you want to go with this.” Breakfast was lovely. We dropped Preener's motorcycle off at her house and headed out to poke around in some stores. Preener had seen this new little shop that she wanted to check out. It was awesome. For real. Little antique shop. Loved it. Then we went to the Goodwill. We walk in the front door. Preener notices that upon entrance to the Goodwill , there is a basket of butter knives. She turns to us and says; “Arm yourselves in the Goodwheel with a butter knife....they have the good shit....bitches be cray up in the Goodwheel. Write that down.” 

We go in, looking, looking, looking. Some guy is singing LOUDLY along with the in store music selection. I see Banana's face, I start laughing. He looks at Preener “What are you laughing at?” “Nothing, I am singing with you.” “Music is music.” “Right on.” OMG, get me away. Now. I am gonna pee all over myself. This guy is CRAY. Banana points out a needle point picture of a unicorn. OMG, we really should have bought this unicorn. For real. It was the craziest, ugliest thing I had ever seen. 

Banana tries on a witches hat. I found a crystal weight. Literally, looked like a weight, that you use to exercise, but TINY. I look at Banana and tell her “I think you need this crystal weight.” Banana, lifting said tiny crystal weight;“Workin' out. Losin' some weight.” That's some funny shit right there. 

Preener sees a guitar on our way out and contemplates purchasing, but decides not to.

Off to lunch. Me:“Banana, try this dip.” Banana: “It's good, but it has a little after burn.” Preener: “Your mom has after burn.”

I am not sure how this came about but, at some point Preener said that we go together like Peanuts and Mayonnaise. (Seriously, still confused about this. Preener, care to explain?) Also, we discussed that I am now calling President Obama, Barry. For some reason, Banana stated something about me saying “Barry is gonna get me an AK47.” Honestly, I don't remember what we were talking about, perhaps Banana will remember more accurately.

We dropped Preener off at her house, managed to run to the book store, secure creative cursing and redneck creative cursing. While waiting on the little’s arrival home, we came up with these words:

Jizz Monkey

Pecker Clot

Clit Clot

'Gina Junkie

Crap Blower

Juice Munch

Testicle Diddler

Poop Rag

Pecker Folds

Queef Flaps

Ho Biscuit

and......

Fetus Hole.

At dinner, Banana had an amazing idea. She thought we should go back to the Goodwheel and purchase the guitar for Preener as an early birthday present. Well, we went. Guitar was gone, hat was gone, crystal weight was gone, and if we had walked back there, I am sure the unicorn was gone too. Pretty sure the creepy singing guy went and bought all the things we entertained ourselves with.

Home. TV. Computers. Bed.

DAY 6

That morning, we got our usual coffee and something to munch on. We went to Micheal’s and poked around in there. In the truck, we hear a song....Banana “This guy here, is my baby Mama.” “What?” “Justin Timberlake, he my baby Mama.” “OK, he is a GUY, so, I am pretty sure he would be your baby Daddy.” “Shut up Rebel Yell.”

We had a lunch date with Preener, again. We decide to go to Fruitive. OK, let me tell you, Fruitive is this crunchy granola, hippie, everything is made from Kale store. The entire place smells of chlorophyl. Banana and I are SCARED. We are standing there, looking at the menu, crunchy granola guys just watching us, not saying a word. Clearly, we do not belong here. Preener arrives and we send her in. Well, Jason Mraz clearly has a HUGE crush on Preener. He is talking to her and all up in her shit. Then, Preener's boyfriend arrives. We meet boyfriend and decide we like boyfriend. We order. We drink our smoothies, WITHOUT kale. Preener and boyfriend eating real food from there that I am pretty sure they snuck Kale into, even in the water. I hope that Preener and boyfriend enjoyed the Kale water. Out come the creative cursing books. Preener: “SISTER PORKER?” Now, she nearly dies of embarrassment as we are sitting outside and there are a lot of people around. Yep, right in the middle of a crowd, she yelled out sister porker. HILARIOUS. Preener also discovers the word Possum Bagger. I like it. In my extensive vocabulary it goes.

I discussed with Preener the fact that she has named her bike Stella, and dismissed my suggestion of Shoshanna. That way she can call her Shosh for short. She does not appreciate my creative genius. I ask boyfriend if he will name his bike Shoshanna for me. He denies my request. Whatever, creative genius haters, now, my truck is Shoshanna. I am getting it put on her tailgate. Somewhere along the line in the conversation, there was a mention of me just adopting a baby and naming her Shoshanna and trading her for an I-pod. I don't know what that is all about, but it did spark an interesting conversation later between Banana and I where I dubbed her Chiquita. Chiquita she shall remain.

Home. Little’s. Dinner, at Highway 55, which is DELICIOUS. If you haven't been, you should go. Home. TV. Computers. Bed.

Day 7

The morning was laid back and consisted of Chiquita packing her things so she was ready to go in the morning. We had an amazing conversation. I drug her to Walmart in her pajamas, because, hey, it's Walmart. Who DOESN'T go in their pajamas? During our time in Hellmart, Chiquita is saying wildly inappropriate things. Out loud. For everyone to hear. I turn to her and I say: “Do you know why I love you so much?” “Why?” “Because you are so incredibly inappropriate at all the right times, and you just don't care who knows it.” “I think I might be a little offended by that statement.” “Don't be, I love you for it.”We were getting some crackers, and Chiquita was bitching, because, let's face it, she hates Hellmart as much as I do. So, I look at her and say: “If you don't stop, I am gonna shove this up your stink hole.” “My speak hole?” “No, your STINK HOLE.” “Oh, I like speak hole better.”

We didn't do much of anything after that. Just hung around. We did go for a nice dinner for Chiquita's last night in the VA. Chiquita got some white jello for desert. She bites white jello and says, with mouth full, “Do NOT eat the white jello. White jello tastes like paint.” Little boy decides that white jello that tastes like paint is delicious. I am a little concerned.

We came home, had a lovely evening together, and attempted to go to bed early since we had to get an early start in the morning.

Day 8

Early morning. UGH. But, we got up, got ready, dropped off the little’s and hit the road. If we make good enough time, we can stop at this amazing cemetery that I found. There are dead presidents there. There is a whole section for Confederate Officers. It's amazing. We made amazing time, and had about an hour to poke around in this cemetery. This 165 acre cemetery that we are both quite pissed that we didn't devote an entire day to. Oh well, another reason for Chiquita to come back. We managed to get some amazing pictures in our short time there, and headed to the station so that Chiquita could travel home. I expressed my extreme concern that she would be stuck with Wayne again on the train. She said “Wayne on the train is insane in the brain.” Fitting. We get to the station and she nearly missed her ride. OOPS. It's all good though. We chucked her luggage in she hugged my neck and hopped on the bus. I got to Shoshanna as fast as I could, and drove down to McDonald's and cried in the bathroom. I hate goodbyes. HATE. LOATHE. Can't stand them. I composed myself, grabbed some lunch, and got back on the road. I cried into my french fries and chicken sandwich. I cried looking at trees, and I cried going over the bridge. I cried the whole way home. It sucked. For real. BUT, I know that we will have more epicness, more awesomeness, more potatin' and way more BITCHIN'!

So, there you have it, a week of epic proportions. All smashed into this ridiculously long blog. I hope you enjoyed reading of our adventures. Some of which had to be shortened for the sake of the blog. Some of which had to be edited for the sake of humanity. But, make no mistake. We left our mark. We tattooed the town. It will NEVER be the same. We also came upon most valuable information that I feel I should share with the entire blogosphere. Stop Reproducing. Your Vagina Is Not A Clown Car.

I love you Chiquita. Now, GO WRITE YOUR DAMN BLOG.

~Rebel Yell~

My Husband

My husband may not be perfect, he makes mistakes. But, he is still MY HUSBAND. I love him, and I always will. I am the mother of his children, that were PLANNED. In LOVE. I am  the one that has cared for him through countless accidents and hospitalizations. I have done that. I love my husband and I will never give up on him. EVER. I have spent 10 and a half years married to this man. I have been with him for 12 and a half. We have spent YEARS building our life together. Give it up? NO FUCKING WAY. If you can't support me, fuck off, if you can't understand, fuck off, if you want to be a naysayer, fuck off. I don't need it. I won't tolerate it. I am tired of everywhere I turn getting knocked to the ground. THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT TOO FUCKING BAD.

This is Christmas Eve. He was home, with his REAL FAMILY. This is not the last of me. This is not the end of me. I am praying. I am praying for him, I am praying for me, and I am praying for OUR CHILDREN. What God has joined together let NO MAN put asunder. 

I love this man, and one day, he will realize it. I have faith that God will reveal to him the truth and that he will come home. 

So, he sees it, good, he doesn't, oh well, someone shows it to him? Ok. I don't care. Tell him. But, just brace yourself. 

~Lou~

**UPDATE AS OF AUGUST 1, 2013** It's over. I'm done fighting. I've fallen out of love with a man who I THOUGHT loved me. Have fun with the life that the two of you have created. Enjoy your karma and may your bed feel like a thousand sharp rocks every night. Just sayin'. I'm moving on to bigger, better things. Things that only in my wildest dreams would have ever happened. I will find real, true love. I will find adoration beyond anything either one of you would or could ever imagine. You see, I thought that HE was my soul mate. Well, soul mates don't do to the other what you have done to me. Soul mates don't disregard the other and lie repeatedly. So, keep lying. Keep spreading the hate, anger and absolute bullshit. One day it will all catch up to you. You will reap what you have sewn. Good luck with that. To you, his little toy.....enjoy your baby. Have fun raising her alone. It's gonna be so much fun for you. Not that you deserve anything better than the pain and misery you are in for. Settling in for the showing of ultimate poetic justice. 

Bad Blogger

I know I have been a HORRID blogger as of late. Sorry about that. I promise I will get better. I have been super busy and dealing with so much! I wish I could fill you in, but, unfortunately, time, life, circumstances and other shit are preventing me from doing so. I will tell you this much, a new, exciting, fun blog will be written SOON! I can't wait to share with you what I have been up to. At least for the last week. I promise, it will not disappoint. So for now, as a teaser, there was Potatin' and Bitchin'........I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Can't wait to write all about it, and then some!

Til then!

~Lou~

Finding my ray of sunshine

In the midst of hurting, and pain, and sorrow, and grief, and absolute childish bullshit, you run across a ray of sunshine. A ray of light that was meant exactly for you. Exactly at this moment in your life. Exactly what you need.

When someone you have loved your entire life has been called home with Jesus, and it happens so suddenly, so abruptly, that you just can't even process it. You realize, God has spared this person from tremendous pain and suffering. God is good. God has spared so much, and shown so much grace. I feel like I need to take a moment, just one small moment of my life to thank God for this gracious showing of mercy and kindness.

Thank you, God, for sparing Mary the pain and suffering of long, drawn out months of chemo and radiation and eventually, a painful death. Thank you for taking her quickly, with no pain. Thank you. 

I offer up prayers for Ed, and pray that you will give him the peace that he so urgently needs. The comfort that only your hand can give. The healing, that can only come from your grace, and love. 

I have so much that I am dealing with. Wrestling the inner demons, fighting them every step of the way. If it weren't for my amazing friends, family and wonderful, supportive husband, I surely would be buried by them. I know that I am bigger, and better and more amazing than I feel. I can overcome and no amount of childish behavior from others will diminish that.

Among all the darkness, shadows and constant storms writhing within me, I have found another ray of sunshine. I have reconnected with such an amazing friend. She has never closed her heart to me. It is an amazing feeling to have our connection back. I have missed her so much over the years. I am thankful that she loves me as much as she does, and without question, brought me right back into her life. My dear, sweet friend, thank you for still loving me. Thank you for never forgetting me. You have been my ray of sunshine.

Til next time.

~Lou~

When it feels like a zombie is coming.....

Sometimes, things take a crazy, unexpected turn. Sometimes, you try to put the past behind you, and move on, and forget, and bury the pain. Occasionally, you are successful, and sometimes, the past climbs its nasty ass out of it's grave and becomes the zombie that is chasing you. I'm pretty sure that bastard is gaining on me. Good thing I have a plan, right? 

Well, it may not be a well thought out plan. Ok, I have given this much thought and much planning. I just hope that my zombie apocalypse survival plan works. (I am hoping that you have realized that this is all metaphorical.)

Here I am, sitting, and waiting. Waiting to know. Waiting to find some glimmer in the midst of all the darkness that is surrounding me. 

Inevitably, old woulds will be ripped open. They will require healing, again. I'm not sure they ever really healed all the way to begin with. In fact, I know they haven't. So, basically, the scab is being ripped off. Emotions will run high, and hopefully, things will all work out for the best. Hopefully. 

I have to admit that sitting here, and blogging right now, I have a sense of peace that I have never felt before about this issue. Perhaps it is God telling me that I should not be afraid of what is to come. 

The past is the past, and everyone can be an adult, right? 

This is not how I imagined this happening. I never thought it would come down the way it has. I pictured something totally different. I am hoping that this will turn out as good, if not better than I am hoping for. 

Praying for calm seas and clear skies ahead. 

~Lou~

A Thousand Years

I know it's pretty hokey, and I am not one for lovey dovey, ooey gooey, kissy kissy shit, so, just excuse what is getting ready to come out of my fingers. YOU, have been warned.

Do you ever look at your spouse or significant other and think.....GAWD, I feel like we have known each other forever. Not just the "forever" as in our whole lives, I mean FOREVER, like before this life. Like we were destined to be together? Like we were together on another plane of existence? Have you?? Ever?? I feel that way all the time about my husband. We fight, we argue, we irritate each other, but when it all comes down to it. We know who we are, and that we are supposed to be together. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on him, and he knew it from the moment he laid eyes on me. Bottom line is? I love my husband.

Some may say that I am trying too hard to convince others that we are happy, but you know what? We are happy. We love each other, and no one, and no thing will ever change that. We will always love each other. It's just the way it is. We have loved each other for a thousand years, and will continue to love each other for a thousand more.

Here I go again with a song. Just deal with it. It is what it is. I am who I am. I make no apologies, and I make no exceptions.

Enjoy what has become my all time favorite song dedicated to my husband.

A thousand years. That's what it seems like. An eternity of love before and after this life.

~Lou~